Exposed
by Dmarx
Summary: All secrets eventually see the light of day. Spoilers for Rise. Rated M for chapters 4 and 8. Complete.
1. Part 1: Secrets

_Summary: All secrets eventually see the light of day. Spoilers for Rise. _

_Author's Note: Apparently I've been on a role lately with angsty one-shots; this is my third one in two weeks. I guess sometimes the mood just strikes, you know? We all know that when Castle and Beckett find out about each other's secrets this season it's not going to be pretty…this is my take on it. Takes place about three months after Rise. Also, a special thanks to everyone who responded to my question about this fic on Tumblr! _

_Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own them._

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><p><strong>Secrets<strong>

**December 20, 2011**

Castle was on his way to the kitchen for a glass of water when a knock at the door startled him from his thoughts. He had been working on Beckett's case all afternoon and his body had gone on autopilot while his mind combed through the facts for what seemed like the millionth time. Something still was not adding up.

He detoured to the entryway and cracked open the door to reveal a haggard-looking Kate Beckett.

"Beckett," he managed, confused as to why she would be at his doorstep at...he looked at his watch…almost ten o'clock on a Tuesday night.

"Hey," she said meekly and he stepped aside, allowing her entry, while his brain struggled to snap back to reality.

"Is everything okay?" he asked tentatively, shutting the door and then retracing his steps to the kitchen. She followed him quietly, unsure of what to say.

"I'm not sure," she admitted. "I'm just...God, this makes me sound ridiculous, but I didn't want to be alone. I..."

She trailed off as Castle turned to face her and she felt his hand settle on her shoulder. "Kate, there's nothing wrong with needing company sometimes, especially after what you've been through lately."

Logically, she knew that. She did. But she was not accustomed to finding herself in this position. "I know."

Castle lowered his hand and turned back to the refrigerator.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, straightening up and offering her a glass of ice water.

Kate shrugged. "I'm not sure."

He closed the fridge and indicated the main room. "Why don't we just hang out and watch TV or something and you can talk when you're ready?"

She certainly did not have a better suggestion. "Sure."

They made their way into the living room and it was not until Castle was lowering himself onto the couch that he realized that the door to his office was open and he had left the murder board on. He was about to excuse himself to go turn it off when he saw Kate freeze, water glass halfway to her mouth.

She set the glass on the coffee table and turned. "Castle, what's that?" She hoped her voice sounded steadier than it felt.

"Ummm...it's...don't worry about it," he managed.

"That's _my_ picture in the center," she pointed out, taking a step towards the office, and Castle moved as well, hoping that by some miracle he could manage to prevent her from seeing any more than she already had.

"Nikki Heat _is_ based on you." If he was hoping for unaffected nonchalance, he failed miserably.

"Yeah, but last time I checked, Hal Lockwood and Detective Raglan weren't part of the plot."

"Kate, it's nothing. Just leave it alone," he pleaded. This was not the time for her to find out all of this.

She whirled around. "Nothing? You call that nothing? You've been investigating my case behind my back and the whole time you've been saying to my face that _we_ will get this guy."

"We will, Kate. I promised you that and I have no intention of not following through on it."

"So you decided the best way to accomplish that would be to lie to me?" she snapped. "That's not _we._ That's you and your insatiable need to play hero."

"No, I just..."

"Castle, how could you hide this from me? You _know_ how important this is to me. You _know_ that I need to solve this case and you even know _why_ I need to. You had no right to interfere."

"Kate, if you keep digging, you're going to get yourself killed."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do." She opened her mouth to protest but he stopped her. "I do. The day I we talked to Halstead a man called me, an old friend of Montgomery's. He received a package from Montgomery after the shooting, a package that must remain hidden. If that information is discovered, or if you try to uncover it, he informed me that they would kill you. And Kate, I'm not going to let that happen."

"So what, you were just planning to keep this from me, to keep steering me away from the truth?"

"No," he protested immediately. "I've been working on it for you. I've been trying to solve it because I can dig around more without causing suspicion. I can always pass it off as research for a book if someone catches me poking around somewhere."

"So you decided that it was okay to risk your own life but not mine?"

"I didn't mean it like that, I..."

"It's _my_ life, Castle, and you have no right to try to control that."

"I'm your partner," he shot back. "And it's my job to keep you safe. It's my job to keep these guys from getting to you."

"By keeping secrets about my mother? By preventing me from finding the answers that will allow me to put this to rest and move on with my life? I thought you said you lov..." Kate stopped abruptly, clamping down on the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from finishing that sentence.

"I said what?" he asked in shock.

She shook her head. "Nothing."

Castle stepped forward and grabbed her by the forearms before she could flee. "That's not nothing, Kate. Finish was you were going to say."

She looked away. "No."

He released one arm, using his fingers to raise her chin and force her to meet his eyes. "Tell me you didn't lie to me."

Kate attempted to look down again but he would not allow it. "I'm sorry," she choked out.

"You remembered?" His voice held a combination of anger and betrayal.

She looked him squarely in the eyes. As hard as this was to say, she knew that he deserved to hear the truth. "I never forgot."

He jerked his hands away from her as though he had been burned and Kate stepped back in shock. Castle collapsed onto the couch, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

"Castle..." she knelt beside him and laid a hand on his arm.

His head shot up. "I trusted you," he exclaimed, yanking his arm away from her touch and not giving her a chance to explain. "I trusted you and you lied right to my face, Kate."

"Yeah, well now you know how I feel," Kate snapped.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked, fixing her with an angry glare.

"This," she indicated his office. "You've been hiding this from me for months out of some misguided quest for my safety."

"If you understood the extent of my feelings for you then you wouldn't see it as misguided," he yelled.

"And if you understood mine then you'd realize why I lied."

Castle looked up in surprise. "What?"

"You think I lied just for the hell of it?" Kate questioned, her eyes daring him to agree with that statement. "You think I didn't have a good reason for doing so?"

"Oh, you mean like you wanting to run away scared again, just like you do anytime anyone gets too close to you?" he retorted.

"That's not true," Kate denied even though she knew he was right.

"Yes it is." It still took her by surprise every time he called her out like that. He used to just go with the flow but ever since the shooting he had stopped putting up with it.

"Fine, it's true," she conceded. "But that's not why I didn't tell you. I just didn't want to hurt you."

"Yeah, well it's too late for that," he retorted.

"Rick, please, I'm sorry," she pleaded. "I realize now that I was wrong, so please give me the chance to make things right."

"You want me to sit here while you tell me the truth? To listen to all the reasons you can't say it back? Why don't you just run over my heart with a steamroller and save yourself the trouble?"

He stood, fully intending to shut himself in the office, and was taken completely off-guard when Kate's hand connected with the side of his face, the loud smacking sound echoing through the otherwise quiet room.

"What the he..."

"Damnit, Castle, if that's what you think of me then maybe you don't deserve the truth."

"You lied, Kate," he accused. "It's pretty obvious what you're going to say."

She advanced on him. "Oh really? Then why did _you_ lie to _me_?"

"To protect you," he shouted, ignoring the fact that it had been intended as a rhetorical question.

"So you're allowed to keep things from me to protect me but I'm not allowed to do the same to you?"

"You expect me to believe that that was your reasoning?" he asked incredulously.

The look on her face stopped him in his tracks. She was angry and scared but there was no mistaking the honesty and love also present in her eyes. "Yes," she answered truthfully.

They stood in silence, a battle of wits, perhaps, before Castle finally gave in and reclaimed his seat on the couch. Kate lowered herself onto the cushion next to him, careful to leave space between them.

"I wasn't ready, Castle. You saw me when I first went back to work. I was a mess, and that was _after_ three months of recovery _and_ talking to the department psychologist. I flat out told you after your book signing that I wasn't ready, and I figured it would be easier if you just didn't know rather than having to sit there and listen to me make up some lame excuse."

"And so you decided that kicking me out of your life for three months was in my best interest?"

"No, I just...I was selfish, okay? Once we talked, I knew I couldn't keep lying to your face but I couldn't deal with the truth either. Not seeing you seemed like the best option."

Castle snorted.

"Would it make you feel better if I told you it was hell for me too?" Kate offered.

He was too upset to even consider empathizing with her. "Not really."

"I was going to tell you eventually," she admitted, hoping to salvage what was left of his trust in her.

"Yeah? When? It's been six months, Kate."

"When this case is over, when I was at a place where I could put one hundred percent of myself into a relationship rather than half-ass it while I hid behind my past." She reached out and took his hand, trailing her thumb over the back of his knuckles. "I'm so sorry, Rick. If I'd known it was going to blow up in my face like this I would have just told you the truth six months ago."

"What would you have said?" he asked curiously, feeling his anger beginning to ebb away.

"That..." she took a deep breath and forced herself to meet his eyes. "That I love you, Rick. I do, and it scares the shit out of me and I'm not ready to deal with it yet, and we deserve to have a chance and I don't want to ruin that by not being able to give it my all, and...I know I'm rambling, but...I'm sorry," she finished, blinking furiously in an attempt to hide her tears.

Castle stood and for a split second Kate thought he was going to walk away, but then he offered his hands and pulled her up and into his embrace.

She wrapped her arms around his midriff. "I'm so sorry, Rick," she murmured, her face buried in his neck.

"I'm not sure I can forgive you yet," he said quietly, and despite the obvious tension radiating off of both of them, Kate could not ignore the chills that traveled down her spine at the feel of his lips brushing against her ear.

"And I'm still pissed at you for hiding the case from me," Kate pointed out, "so why don't we call it even and leave it at that?"

He pulled back to look her in the eye. "I'm not letting you dive back into this."

"I have to..."

"I'm not, Kate. I watched you die once and I'm not going to let that happen again. I can't lose you. I wouldn't survive that."

Kate was shocked to see moisture collecting in his eyes and for the first time she began to appreciate just how much her shooting had affected him.

"At least tell me what you've found?"

"I can't Kate, not until I trust that you won't run into the line of fire," he replied honestly.

"I won't," she replied quickly.

"I just found out that you lied to me," Castle said sternly. "I don't trust you with this right now."

Kate stepped back and sunk back into the couch, dropping her head into her hands much the way Castle had just a few minutes before.

"What?" he asked, worried.

She shook her head but did not look up. "This is a mess. We're a mess."

He sat as well. "I know."

Kate looked up at him. "God, what do we do, Castle?"

"I don't know," he replied honestly. "I want to trust you. And I do, with most things." He reassured her.

"But not with this," she finished.

"Not with this."

"Castle, I have to find these answers." Kate was practically begging but she was beyond caring.

"And I'll give them to you when it's safe to do so." She opened her mouth in protest but he held up a hand to cut her off. "If I tell you right now when there are so many loose ends, you'll start digging, and don't even try to deny that. I know you, Kate. And you can't do the digging. Let me take care of that and when we have enough to take these guys down, I promise you will be the first to know."

"That's not enough."

Castle shrugged. "Well, it's going to have to be because I'm not letting them get to you again."

"Cas..."

"Let me have this one, Kate," he pleaded. "Let me work on this so that they can't get to you again before we have a chance to take them down. I promised you we'd make them pay and we will. Together. And then you can finally find the closure you deserve and put this all behind you."

"I..."

"Please, Kate. Please. Don't give these guys another reason to try to kill you."

"Fine," she relented. "I promise not to dig, but in return you have to promise not to keep hiding this from me."

"I'll tell you when it's safe," he repeated. "I will, I swear."

"But..."

"I messed up, Kate. I did, and I know that. I shouldn't have kept this from you but I didn't know any other way to keep you safe and that's my top priority. And I know I have no right to ask you to trust me on this, but I'm going to anyways."

Kate was waging an internal battle. Part of her was screaming not to trust him but the part of her that knew him and understood his protective instincts wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. After all, she had screwed up too, and if she expected his forgiveness then she was going to have to offer the same.

"Okay," she said at last. "I messed up too and it's not fair to ask you to overlook that if I don't do the same for you."

He let out the breath he did not realize he was holding and Kate herself breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you," Castle said sincerely.

"But if you do it again, Castle, we're through, and there will be no weaseling your way back in," she threatened, and he had no doubt that she would hold true on these words. "You know what this case means to me and if you screw it up I will _never_ forgive you. Got it?"

Castle reached out and took both of her hands in his, his eyes begging her to believe him. "I'm not going to let you down again, Kate. I promise."

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><p><em>Thoughts? <em>


	2. Part 2: Answers

__Summary: All secrets eventually see the light of day. Spoilers for Rise. __

_Author's Note: I wasn't going to expand this. I really wasn't. But you guys are just so convincing. And since the first chapter was all about secrets being revealed, I figured this was an appropriate addition._ Chapter 1 takes place in December-ish, making this chapter set at the end of season 4. _I've never bothered to go into depth on cases before, so if any of this sounds completely stupid or unrealistic, that's why. I did enough research (thank goodness for Wikipedia) that I think everything makes sense, but if you guys see anything weird, please let me know! Oh, and if anything I've written is even remotely similar to the way this case actually plays out, I will be amazed! _

_I marked this as complete after the first chapter and I'm going to leave it that way. That being said, I've left this pretty open ended...I don't want to promise more chapters, but I may add to it if inspiration strikes. And now, enjoy!_

___Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own them.___

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><p><strong>Answers<strong>

**May 18, 2012**

They had done it. Six grueling months had passed since the nasty fight in Castle's loft, and tonight the team had finally taken down the man responsible for the murder of Johanna Beckett and her colleagues, the man who had nearly succeeded in killing her daughter as well.

It had been a stressful few months for the team at the Twelfth. They had spent weeks hiding the investigation from Gates until they acquired enough evidence to reopen the case. Needless to say, she had been furious when she discovered that they had been sneaking around behind her back, but as soon as she had seen the evidence they had compiled against the former New York City Police Commissioner, she had quickly switched sides.

Edwin Olvedo was an army veteran who joined the police force upon reaching the end of his military obligations. An expert in tactical weapons training, he also had a knack for thinking outside of the box, and as a result, he quickly rose up the ranks to Police Commissioner, head of the NYPD. He served as such for sixteen years, stepping down just after Joe Pulgatti was wrongfully convicted of Bob Armen's murder.

Among Olvedo's responsibilities was the fact that Internal Affairs officers reported directly to him, so when two of his detectives approached him one day bearing shocking evidence of three cops who had been 'kidnapping' mobsters, he took action.

However, it was not the type of action that the Internal Affairs detectives had been expecting. Instead of forcing the three rogue officers to undergo examinations, reviews, and disciplinary action, Olvedo demanded that they turn over the millions of dollars they had collected in ransom. In return for their silence on the matter—and, therefore, their lives—Olvedo promised that they would not be subjected to any punishments and would be allowed to keep their badges. To silence the Internal Affairs detectives who had uncovered the scandal, Olvedo promoted them each to higher-ranking positions, placing them in precincts in which they could keep an eye on the three dirty cops to ensure that they maintained their end of the bargain.

Meanwhile, Olvedo used his newly acquired fortune to ensure that his actions would never be revealed. He took advantage of his military, police, and professional connections to ensure that Pulgatti stayed behind bars, to make sure that no one started digging into the case, and to continue to intimidate the three guilty detectives—and the two who had uncovered the scandal—into silence. Only today, once Olvedo was behind bars, were the two now-retired detectives willing to talk.

By this point, Olvedo had retired from the force and was living the life of luxury, splitting his time between a luxurious Long Island getaway and an enormous house in the Hamptons. When he received news via one of his connections that Joe Pulgatti was seeking an appeal and that the lawyer fighting his case was getting too close to the truth, he employed an old military buddy of his to put a stop to it. That lawyer, of course, was Johanna Beckett.

Upon combing through all of this evidence, Captain Gates granted the team permission to continue with the investigation, but to do so without arousing any suspicion, as they did not yet have everything they needed to take Olvedo down. She even used a few of her own connections to acquire relevant information. Now that she knew the killer was one of their own, she was willing to do whatever it took to put him behind bars.

They had given her the evidence the previous Friday. For the next few days, Ryan, Esposito, and Castle worked tirelessly to unravel the rest of the conspiracy, and by Wednesday, they had finally gotten to the bottom of it.

True to his word, Castle immediately called Kate and instructed her to meet them at the loft, where they filled her in on everything. They briefed Gates the next day, and this afternoon, once she made the necessary calls to ensure that they had adequate backup, they set off to take down the 'dragon,' once and for all.

It had been a messy take-down; all four of them had narrowly dodged bullets and one officer was shot in the abdomen during the process. Despite their discretion, Olvedo had somehow found out that they were closing in and had procured his own miniature army to fight back, but with the help of a large number of officers and other high-ranking members of the department, they had taken Olvedo—and anyone thought to be associated with him—into custody.

As the day drew to a close, Castle, Beckett, Ryan, and Esposito all headed to the Old Haunt for a celebratory drink before heading home and succumbing to their exhaustion. Gates, who was also feeling the effects of Olvedo's actions and the hit to the public image of the Department, had surprised them all by giving them a three day weekend to recover, telling them that they had earned it, and offering something resembling a smile before shooing them out of her office.

Castle and Kate shared a cab to her apartment and when they arrived, Castle did not hesitate to pay the driver and follow her upstairs. The fact that she did not even bother to fight him on it was a testament to Kate's fatigue. She opened the door, dropped her purse, kicked off her shoes, and collapsed on the couch. It had been the most stressful day she had ever had on the force and now that she was home and the adrenaline and alcohol were wearing off, she was finding that she was completely drained, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Castle headed to the kitchen and filled two glasses with water before joining her on the couch. Kate drank almost all of it before setting the glass aside; she had not even realized she was thirsty until just then. She could not remember the last time she had eaten either, but right now she was in no mood for food.

Kate relaxed against the arm of the couch, her body stretched out along the length of it, and was caught off-guard when Castle lifted her legs, sat down, and placed them across his lap. She opened her eyes, intending to glare at him in protest, but when he began gently massaging her feet, the words died on her lips.

"Just relax," Castle urged softly, sensing her hesitation. "You've earned it."

As his fingers worked, she felt the tension ebbing away. She opened her eyes and studied her partner, an adorable look of concentration on his face, and she felt her walls begin to fade away as well. Her eyes drifted shut again and she did not bother to fight it. Castle worked his way up, over her ankles and up her calves. When he reached her knees, he tugged gently, attempting to pull her closer. Kate's eyes snapped open before she had a chance to try to hide her tears, and naturally, Castle noticed right away.

"Kate?"

She shook her head. He tugged on her legs again, coaxing her to him, but when she refused to move, he simply scooted closer so that her thighs were now resting across his lap.

"Kate, what is it?"

He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer, and she bent her knees up as she burrowed into him.

Castle ran a hand soothingly up and down her back. "Just let it out, Kate."

If she had been holding back before, it was clear that she had now given up on her effort to appear unfazed. Kate buried her head in Castle's neck, her tears soaking his shirt and skin as the sobs wracked her body. It was heartbreaking for him to watch, but even more upsetting for Castle was the fact that this was one pain he knew he could never take away. It was a part of her, and although she finally had the closure she deserved, he knew that the pain of losing her mother would never, ever fade. So, he did the only thing he could do…he held her close, whispering quiet words of comfort and planting soft kisses in her hair.

At long last, the worst of her breakdown subsided and Kate lifted her head, embarrassed.

"Sorry," she muttered, her fingers tracing the wet splotch on his shirt.

"Don't apologize, Kate," Castle told her. "It's okay. That's what I'm here for."

Almost before she realized what she was doing, Kate leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, Castle. For...for being here."

He squeezed her tighter. "That's what partners are for."

She smiled, and though it was somewhat forced, Castle was glad to see that he had at least partially succeeded in cheering her up.

"Do you want to watch a silly movie or something?" he asked. "Take our minds off of it."

Kate shook her head. "I kind of just want to go to bed. I'm exhausted."

Castle ran his thumb gently across the skin beneath her eyes, wiping away a few lingering tears. "I can tell."

Kate snorted. "Wow, you sure know how to flatter a girl," she teased.

"No, I didn't...I meant...I just..."

As comical as it was to watch him stutter, Kate cut him off with a finger pressed against his lips. "I'm kidding, Castle."

She offered a smile as proof and before his brain caught up with him, Castle kissed her finger and smiled back. Kate's eyes grew large and Castle looked at her in surprise as they realized what he had just done.

"Sorry," he muttered as Kate pulled her finger away.

She leaned her head against him again to hide the blush she could feel rising up her neck. Since when did a kiss on her finger cause that kind of a reaction?

"It's okay," she murmured, her breath playing across the skin of his neck.

They were crossing lines right and left tonight, and although Johanna Beckett's case was now closed—Kate's criteria for being available for a true relationship—Castle knew that tonight was not the time to start something. They were drained, nightmares were bound to strike, and neither was emotionally sound enough to jump into anything. However, just as Castle was about to suggest that it might be best for him to head home, Kate threw a monkey wrench into his plan.

"Will you stay?" she asked, her voice so quiet he barely heard her.

Castle was taken by surprise at her request. "What?"

"Stay with me tonight."

He hesitated. "Kate, I..."

"Castle," she interrupted, lifting her head off of his shoulder to meet his eyes. "We're exhausted. We've had a hell of a week. And quite frankly, I don't think either of us should be alone right now."

Despite the warning lights flashing in his mind, he knew she had a point. Even if he _did_ go home right now, there was no way he would sleep. And the thought of Kate here, alone with her nightmares, was not something he would wish upon anyone, especially the woman he loved.

"Okay." He glanced around in search of blankets. "I'll sleep on the couch."

Kate rolled her eyes. "No you won't."

Castle looked at her questioningly. "What?"

"Sleeping on the couch defeats the point."

"You...you want me to...to..." he stuttered.

She rolled her eyes again. It really was adorable when he was flustered, but right now she just wanted to go to bed, and that was not going to happen until he understood her intentions.

"Do I seriously have to spell this out for you?"

"Apparently."

Kate sighed. "Fine. Yes, Castle, I want you to sleep in my bed with me."

Despite the exhaustion, Castle could not pass up the opportunity. "I never thought I'd see the day that Katherine Beckett tried to get me into bed with her."

Kate sat up straighter and whacked him in the chest. "_Sleep_ in my bed. _Sleep._"

Castle feigned disappointment. "You take all the fun out of it."

Kate swung her legs off of his lap and stood, offering her hands and pulling him up after her. She squeezed his hands briefly before releasing them and was taken by surprise when he wrapped her up in a giant bear hug.

"Castle," she squeaked, clutching his shoulders.

He set her back on her feet. "What?" he asked innocently.

They separated. "What was that for?"

He shrugged. "You looked like you needed it."

Kate did not respond, but the tender way she took his hand and led him to her room conveyed her graciousness. It was not something Kate admitted easily, but she needed Castle tonight, and he was being everything she could have asked for and more.

When they reached her room, Castle pulled off his socks and shed his button-up shirt as well while Kate headed into the bathroom to change. Castle unbuttoned his pants but hesitated, unsure if Kate would be okay with him sleeping in his boxers, before deciding that he would take the risk. There was nothing appealing about sleeping in jeans and he was sure that she did not have any pants large enough to fit him.

A couple minutes later, the bathroom door opened and a shorts and t-shirt clad Kate poked her head out. She was brushing her teeth and waggled a spare toothbrush in his direction.

"Thanks," he said as he joined her in the bathroom, not missing the way her eyes were raking up and down his body in the mirror. "Like what you see, Detective?" he teased.

Kate rolled her eyes and ducked her head down to the sink to spit out her toothpaste in an effort to hide her blush.

"Seriously, though, is it okay if I sleep in this?"

"Yeah."

Castle finished up and leaned against the doorframe, watching while Kate removed her makeup and washed her face. She was sharing a bathroom with Castle, and Kate felt a strange sense of domesticity to which she was not accustomed. Sure, men had been at her apartment before, and they had shared a bathroom, but there was something so familiar about being in this situation with Castle even though tonight was the first time it had happened. Kate tried to convince herself that it was just because she had known Castle for a while, staunchly ignoring the fact that it probably had more to do with her feelings for him and the fact that he was watching her wash her face with an honest interest rather than an expression that suggested he simply wanted her to be done so he could take her to bed. After all, with other guys, that was what this situation almost always led to.

When Kate finished, she headed back into the bedroom and Castle used the bathroom before joining her in bed. She was sprawled out on her stomach, her head half-buried in the pillows, but she turned her head to face him when she felt him crawl under the covers. The lamp on her bedside table was the only light in the room but it was enough for Castle to be able to see that she was still fighting back tears. He scooted a bit closer and propped himself up on his elbow, his other hand reaching out to cover hers.

"Kate, you don't have to hide from me," he said softly. "I know you're upset and angry and I'm not going to judge you for crying or for missing your mom."

A couple tears slid down her cheeks and she completely hid her face in the pillow.

"Kate," he tried again.

When her only response was a mumbled sentence, he gave up trying to keep his distance and repositioned himself so he was lying right next to her. Without allowing her a chance to protest, he slid one arm underneath her head and wrapped the other around her torso, pulling her to him and shifting so that her head was pillowed on his upper arm and shoulder. To his surprise, rather than attempting to escape, she draped one arm across his chest and intertwined their lower legs.

He could feel her tears soaking through the sleeve of his t-shirt and simply hugged her tighter in response, planting a gentle kiss in her hair and whispering a soft goodnight.

And despite everything they had been through in the last forty-eight hours, both detective and writer fell asleep with a smile on their face.

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><p>When Kate woke the following morning, the first thought that made its way through her head was that she had slept through the night with no nightmares, despite recent events. The second was that she was much warmer than she was accustomed to when waking up; it was as though she was wrapped in a heated blanket. The third thing she became aware of were fingers gently playing with her hair, and it was that sensation that brought back memories of the previous night. The Old Haunt. Cuddling with Castle. Falling asleep with Castle. Kate smiled to herself, savoring the feeling of waking up in his arms.<p>

During the night, they had moved even closer to each other, and her head was now snuggled into his neck. She had one arm around his torso and both feet tangled with his. He had one arm wrapped securely around her and the other was buried in her hair, carefully teasing out the tangles and very gently massaging her scalp.

_Now this is something I could get used to,_ Kate thought happily.

After a few more minutes cuddled in his embrace, Kate slowly lifted her head and was met with the gaze of her favorite pair of blue eyes.

"Morning," she murmured, shifting so that her head rested on his chest.

Castle kissed her hair. "Morning. Feeling better?"

Kate nodded, her cheek sliding against the fabric of his shirt. "So much. This was exactly what I needed."

"Well, I'm always happy to satisfy a woman in need," Castle teased.

"Castle!" she mock-scolded.

"What?" he asked innocently, and though she was not looking, Kate could picture the exact smile he had on his face.

"I was trying to be sentimental and you had to go and say _that_."

"Kate Beckett, sentimental?" he joked.

She whacked him on the chest, hard.

"Ow, apples, apples," he exclaimed. "I'm sorry. Really, you're very welcome, Kate. To be honest, I needed this too." He twisted her hair around his fingers. "And for the record, you're adorable when you sleep."

Kate snorted. "Right."

"I'm serious."

Kate lifted her head and fixed him with an altogether ineffective glare. "Were you watching me sleep?"

"Just for a few minutes," he replied as though it were no big deal.

"Uh huh."

"No really, I've only been awake for a few minutes and the first couple were spent removing your hair from my face."

"Yeah, sorry, I usually sleep with it braided." Kate automatically reached up to brush her hair back but Castle caught her hand and stopped her.

"No, leave it, it's fun to play with. And really soft."

Kate would have rolled her eyes at the cliched nature of his words had he not used _that_ tone-the one that was so absolutely sincere, regardless of the cheesiness of the actual words. And, she admitted to herself, as she laid her head back on his chest, it was a pretty amazing feeling to wake up to.

"God, Rick, you're so incredibly sweet to me," she said in a low voice. "I don't even know how to thank you."

He shrugged. "You don't have to. I'd do anything for you and you know that."

Kate looked up and lifted a hand to tenderly cup his cheek. "Thank you."

Before he had a chance to respond, Kate feathered a kiss across his lips, so light that he was not entirely sure it had happened, until she repeated the gesture, slightly more confident the second time.

Castle returned the kiss but quickly pulled away, shaking his head. "Kate, not like this." She looked away, slightly ashamed of herself, but Castle mistook it for anger and gently tilted her chin back up to face him. "I just meant...not right now," he clarified.

She touched his cheek again, letting him know that she was not upset at him. "I know, I'm sorry. I just..." she trailed off.

"I want this," Castle clarified, "Us. Don't ever doubt that. But this isn't a good way to start."

Kate nodded in agreement. "I know. And I want that too, but..."

"But you need some time to deal with all of this, to adjust to your life without your mother's case hanging over your head," he profiled accurately.

"Right."

Castle wrapped his arms around her again and pulled her flush against him, resting his cheek against hers. "Take all the time you need. I'll be here whenever you're ready," he promised, knowing that this was not going to be something from which she recovered overnight.

Kate hugged him tightly. She knew that things were not going to go any further just yet, but she was not ready for him to leave. She was enjoying his company and knew that she would not have slept at all last night had he not been here. In fact, she was not sure how she was going to sleep without him any time soon.

"Castle?" she asked quietly after a few minutes.

He pulled back slightly. "Yeah?"

"Please don't judge me for saying this, but I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep alone for a while."

He tightened his grip even more. "Well, Detective, my bed and I are always available."

Her arms were still wrapped around him so she kicked him in the shin instead. "Castle!" Leave it to him to turn _this_ into a joke too.

"I know, I know, you're being serious," he placated. "And my serious answer is that if you would like to stay at the loft so that you always know there are other people around, you are welcome to do so."

Kate could not help the smile that spread across her face at his invitation. "I just might take you up on that."

Castle unsuccessfully tried to hide his own smile. "In that case, I would be honored to offer my services." There was a pause before he added quickly, "Services being food and a place to sleep and such, not my personal services. Although I suppose I could be persuaded to offer those as well."

Kate kicked him again. "Always have to ruin the moment, don't you?"

Castle laughed. "You know you'd be disappointed if I didn't."

Now it was Kate's turn to laugh. "I guess you're right."

The pair stayed wrapped in each other's arms for a few more minutes until both of their stomachs made clear their desire for food. They shared a laugh and Castle placed a kiss on Kate's cheek as they untangled themselves and climbed out of bed.

While Kate showered, Castle dressed and headed to the kitchen, where he brewed coffee and dug through her refrigerator, managing to find enough eggs and cheese to scramble up some breakfast.

Over the meal, they stuck to light topics, shying away from anything that had anything to do with Kate's job. She had always assumed that once all of her questions were answered, she would feel relief; in reality, all she felt was everything she had ever known crumbling down around her. She was angry at Olvedo and anyone else who had ever worked for him. Despite the fact that she had told Montgomery that she forgave him, anger at him was surfacing as well. She was mad at Gates for holding back this investigation for as long as she had. And she was even a little bit mad at herself for how much she needed Castle right now. After all of the feelings she had experienced throughout the course of this case, Kate had no doubt that she would have spiraled down the rabbit hole long ago if not for him. She had always thought herself strong, but after crying herself to sleep last night, she was doubting even that.

"So what do you want to do today?" Castle asked, bringing her back to the present.

Her face fell and he immediately regretted asking. "I need to go visit my mom," Kate choked out, tears already filling her eyes again.

"Do you want me to be there with you?" he offered sweetly.

Kate shook her head. "I need to do this by myself." She reached across the table and placed her hand over his. "Someday, though, I want you to come with me."

Castle felt his own tears well up, completely touched to know just how much Kate trusted him; he doubted many people had ever received that offer from her.

He flipped his hand over and intertwined their fingers. "I would like that."

They held each other's gaze for a few moments, paragraphs of words being spoken with just their eyes. In that short time, everything they were not yet ready to say aloud was abundantly clear, filling them both with hope for promising times ahead.

Kate broke first, looking away, releasing his hand, and standing to gather the dishes. She dumped them in the sink to wash later and turned back to her partner who was helping straighten the kitchen, stalling, because he knew that it was time for him to go.

"Do you mind if I head over to your place around dinner?" she asked as they pushed in their chairs and stepped into the living room.

"Not at all. Any menu requests?"

"Are you cooking?" Kate asked. She was almost as big a fan of his cooking as she was of his books.

"For you, absolutely."

Kate grinned. "Then whatever you want to make sounds fantastic."

She approached him tentatively, but when he opened his arms for her, she did not hesitate to step into his embrace.

"Thank you, Rick," she said sincerely. "For everything. I don't know where I'd be without you right now."

"You're welcome." He stepped back and made his way towards the door, Kate trailing closely behind. He gathered his shoes, wallet, and keys

Kate leaned in to give him a last kiss on the cheek but before she could step back, his hand snaked around her waist, trapping her there.

"Anything, Kate," he whispered, his breath fanning across her ear and neck and making her shiver. "Anything you need, anytime. You know where to find me."

She was not sure if it was his touch, his proximity, or his words, but when he stepped back and opened the door, Kate found herself completely at a loss for words. So, she did the only thing she could...offered him a genuine smile and watched like a love-sick teenager as he left her apartment and walked down the hall.

Dinner time really was not _that_ far away.

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	3. Part 3: Inevitability

__Summary: All secrets eventually see the light of day. Spoilers for Rise. __

___Author's Note: So obviously I decided to write more, but I've decided to stick with the original idea of this fic, which was secrets being exposed. Therefore, I'm not going to go into all of the details of their everyday lives and there won't be many other characters appearing. Instead, it will be a chronological series of related one-shots of their lives and how their relationship is unfolding, focusing on moments in which one or both of them reveals something. Along those lines, I've gone back and added titles and the date to the beginning of the first two chapters to help with the timeline since there are so many time gaps. Cool? Cool._

_And now, chapter 3..._

___Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own them.___

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><p><strong>Inevitability <strong>

**June 22, 2012**

A month had elapsed since that emotional night, and with each passing day, Kate was finding herself more and more ready to dive into a relationship with Castle. She was still terrified of the strength of her feelings for him...which had only intensified in the previous weeks...but she was gradually coming to accept that it was worth the risk. She had not told him this, of course, but knew that it was only a matter of time before she could no longer keep it to herself.

True to his word, Castle had allowed her to stay at the loft for as long as she needed. The first night she was there, she attempted to sleep in the guest room but lasted only until her first nightmare, at which point she snuck into Castle's room and climbed into bed with him. Ever the gentleman, Castle simply opened his arms for her, inviting her into his warm embrace, and for the rest of the week, Kate did not even bother to try sleeping without him.

Though neither was in any hurry for Kate to return to her apartment, after a week of being around Castle constantly, she was feeling the need for some space. If Castle was disappointed, he did a fantastic job of hiding it. That disappointment did not last long, however, as he quickly discovered that Kate's need for space was much different than before. True, she was now spending the night in her own bed (except for the couple Saturday evenings she fell asleep watching movies at the loft), but Castle was finding himself graced with her presence outside the precinct at least once a day. If they had an early morning crime scene, she would swing by and pick him up. He invited her over for dinner almost every night and when they did not have time for that, they would drop by Remy's for the usual or order in to the precinct and share a meal on the break room couch, surrounded by case files.

Kate had not tried to kiss him again and he had refrained from pushing her into anything, feeling it better to let her make the first move when she was ready. They had grown noticeably closer recently, especially in the physical aspects of their non-relationship; Kate supposed that falling asleep in someone's arms would have that effect on a person. After that first night, she had no longer hesitated to accept his touch, or to offer her own when the going got rough.

Which was why the pair was currently spending their Friday night curled up on her couch watching _The Lion King_. It had been a difficult week filled with back to back cases and by the time five o'clock came around, everyone was more than ready for a weekend off. Martha was out and Alexis was at a summer program for the next week and Castle had no desire to go home alone. However, just as he opened his mouth to invite Kate over, she beat him to the punch, inviting him to her place for dinner and happy movies. They had grabbed burgers and shakes on the way and had spent the past few hours enjoying each other's company and trying to forget the past few days.

Outside, the late June sun was setting, the last rays of light shining through the haze and casting an orange glow on the living room. Kate was leaning into Castle's side and was intently focused on the movie. Castle had one arm around Kate and was not even looking at the screen.

"What, Castle?"

He snapped out of his stupor. "Huh?"

"You've been staring at me for at least five minutes."

"Sorry, I just..." he trailed off.

Kate looked up at him. "You just what?"

Castle reached up and traced the plane of her cheek with his index finger. "The way the sunlight is shining on your face...it looks...really pretty." _Beautiful, stunning, enchanting, gorgeous,_ he added in his head.

Kate smiled timidly, attempting to ignore the tingling trail of fire he had blazed across her cheek.

His hand came to rest on her shoulder and their gazes met. Both were smiling and Kate saw an uncountable number of emotions dancing through Castle's eyes. Patience. Happiness. Hesitance. Joy. Understanding. Adoration. Fear. Pure, unbridled love, so strong it nearly took her breath away.

She knew he loved her, of course, but he had been very good about restraining his feelings while she dealt with the mess that was her life. Lately, though, she had noticed he was holding back less and less, that his gazes were becoming progressively more loaded and meaningful, and she had to say, she could not blame him. It had been over a year since he told her he loved her and six months since she had returned the sentiment. They had spent months trying to work around their feelings, to fight against the explosive chemistry between them.

And now...now there was nothing stopping them. Nothing besides the words lodged in Kate's throat and the few inches of air between them.

Kate knew they had been crawling towards this moment since their conversation on the swing set the previous September. Even after their huge fight, when she felt like their entire partnership was crumbling to pieces along with their trust in each other, some part of her, deep down, had known that they would make it through. Not only did they survive the ordeal, but they emerged stronger, more trusting, and closer than ever.

They had everything they needed; the strong friendship, the love, the trust. The worst of their baggage had been dealt with and the rest was nothing they could not overcome.

Castle had been ready for over a year. And Kate was ready now.

As this entire train of thought ran through her mind, they had been inching closer and closer, hardly daring to breathe, unable to think of anything besides, _I can't believe this is finally happening!_ Kate could feel his breath against her skin, could not ignore the heat radiating between them as she erased the final inch of space and sealed her lips to his.

Castle felt the air whoosh out of him and all coherent thoughts left his brain the moment he felt her lips on his. It took a second for him to even register what was happening and the next to remember what to do when someone was kissing him like _that._

Kate faltered, wondering if she had made a huge mistake in crossing this line tonight, but was quickly reassured when his hand trailed up to cup her jaw and his lips moved softly against her own. Kate rested one hand on his chest while the other slid higher and wrapped around his neck, pulling his lips more firmly against hers.

Castle was perfectly content to allow Kate to control the kiss, but as he felt her tongue begin to gently tease his bottom lip, he pulled back, knowing he had to regain his footing now before he could not stop himself. Not to mention the fact that she had kissed him with no explanation and he wanted to ensure that this was happening for the right reasons before it went any further.

"Kate," he managed, his voice a strangled whisper.

Her forehead was leaned against his and he could feel her breath on his chin. "Rick."

The use of his first name coupled with the low pitch of her voice was almost enough to make him lose control all over again.

"Are you...is this..."

Kate placed a finger over his lips to silence him and lifted her forehead from his to meet his eyes. "This is real, Castle. I'm ready."

Castle's heart was pounding in his chest and he was sure Kate could feel it beneath the hand that was still resting there. If she could, though, she gave no indication as she leaned back in and continued caressing his lips with hers. He gasped when she gently bit his bottom lip before sucking it into her mouth to soothe it with her tongue. Castle took advantage of the moment and allowed his own tongue to explore, tasting every corner of her mouth, kissing her like he had always wanted to.

As Kate continued to play with his bottom lip, Castle traced his tongue across her top lip and a shiver raced down her spine, causing her to shudder against him. She felt him smile into the kiss and knew that if his mouth had not been otherwise occupied, he would be wearing a smug grin, the one she always wanted to smack right off of his face. However, that would require removing her mouth from his and right now, with the amazing things he was doing to her, she had no intention of cutting things short.

By now, Castle's hand had made its way into her hair while his other arm tightened across her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. Kate skimmed her other hand up his chest and around his neck while their lips continued to battle for dominance.

At long last, they pulled apart, the need for air winning out, but they separated only by an inch. Kate promptly leaned back in and stole another kiss while Castle tried to remember how to breathe.

"Oh my God," he managed when she pulled away.

"I know, right?" Kate breathed, nuzzling her nose against his and placing a barely-there kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Castle's hand was still busy running through her hair while hers toyed with his collar. Castle pressed one more kiss to her lips before tugging her closer, shifting so that she was pressed fully against his side with her head buried in his neck.

They sat in silence for a minute, allowing their breathing and pulses to return to normal and reveling in the feeling of finally, _finally_, having crossed that fateful line.

Just as Castle was starting to think that his body might possibly be able to function normally again, he became aware of lips on his neck. At the feel of Kate sucking on his pulse, then placing a hot, open-mouthed kiss there, his heart rate skyrocketed again.

"Kate," he practically moaned.

She hummed into his skin in response.

"You're driving me crazy."

"Mmhmm," she agreed, nipping playfully at his neck.

"God," he groaned, threading his fingers through her hair and using the leverage it afforded him to lift her head away from him. "You're killing me."

Kate smiled mischievously. She knew exactly what she was doing to him and took pride in the fact that she could reduce Richard Castle to so few words with just a kiss.

"I'm not going to survive this, am I?" Castle asked, knowing that if that was in fact the case, he could not think of a better way to die.

"Is that a challenge?" Kate teased, her fingers playing with the hair on the back of his neck.

"You'd really try to kill me?" he asked in mock horror.

Kate laughed, a sound that had always mesmerized the author, and she took advantage of his loosened hold on her to lean back in and kiss him again.

"Of course not," she replied with a smile, "because then I wouldn't be able to do that whenever I wanted."

Castle growled playfully and pulled her back in again, their tongues immediately tangling and battling for control, seemingly unaware that they were both fighting a losing battle. Control was not to be had in this situation, not when both of their minds had been diminished to one-word thoughts.

At long last, Castle's natural curiosity won out and he could not contain himself any longer. He tore his lips away from hers, placing one last chaste kiss on her mouth, and forced his breathing to return to normal. His arms stayed wrapped around her, tracing random patterns through the fabric of her shirt.

"So does this mean what I think it means?" he asked, and Kate could not help but smile at the child-like hope on in his eyes.

"No, Castle, I frequently go around making out with people just for the hell of it," she replied sarcastically.

He laughed. "Right, I always pegged you for that kind of girl."

"Girl?"

"Woman," he corrected, tracing his hand up and down her side and ever-so-gently brushing his thumb against the side of her breast. "Very gorgeous woman."

Kate blushed and looked away but Castle quickly drew her eyes back to his.

"You don't believe me?"

Kate shook her head. "No, I do, it's just..."

"Too much?" he offered.

"Yeah."

"Okay." He kissed her temple and hugged her to him. "I'm not taking it back though."

Kate smiled in spite of herself. "You better not."

"Or what?"

She lifted her head and fixed him with a mock-serious glare. "Or I'm sending you home!"

Castle was speechless. He sat there, his mouth opening and closing like a fish, and Kate laughed.

"Really, Castle? That's all it takes to get you to shut up?"

"No, I..."

Kate patted his cheek. "Relax, I was just kidding. You're staying here tonight."

"Oh really? And what if I had other plans?"

"Cancel them."

"Bossy, bossy."

Kate just smiled.

"So does this mean I get to take you out on a real date sometime soon?"

"I think we're a little past the dating stage," she pointed out.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I can't take you out from time to time."

He looked so excited that Kate relinquished. "Okay, but nothing over the top."

"Of course." Castle paused. "Can I kiss you at work?"

"Only if you want Gates to kick you out," Kate reminded him.

"Right, yeah, bad idea. How about at crime scenes?"

"Castle, you're not kissing me over a dead body."

"In the car before we get to the scene?"

Kate glared at him. "Nothing changes at work," she said sternly.

"Okay, okay, I had to try, though."

Kate smiled adoringly and patted his cheek again. "I know. You wouldn't be you if you didn't. But let's try to keep this out of the precinct, and especially away from Gates."

"We spend the day surrounded by detectives. They'll see through us right away."

"Not if we keep them guessing."

An evil grin spread across Castle's face. "Teasing them, I like it!"

"Subtly," Kate added.

"I can be subtle."

She snorted.

"I can."

"I've yet to see that."

"Do you find it odd that we're having the relationship talk with _The Lion King_ playing in the background?"

"I find it odd that I'm having it with a man whose attention span is practically nonexistent," Kate teased.

"What?"

"You just went from talking about us to talking about _The Lion King_ in about two seconds."

"I heard the music playing."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Two years old, Castle, I swear."

"And yet you're still here with me."

Kate sat back and pretended to contemplate standing and walking away.

"No you don't," Castle exclaimed, snagging her around the waist and pulling her to practically sit on his lap.

"Relax, Rick, I'm kidding. I'm not going anywhere."

"How about to bed?"

"Like I said, no subtlety."

"To sleep. To bed to sleep," he amended.

Kate reached for the remote and clicked off the TV. "Let's go."

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later, they crawled into Kate's bed, snuggling under the covers and gazing at each other with looks of pure happiness on their faces. Kate scooted over so she was laying right next to him and Castle propped himself up on one elbow to take in the view of Kate Beckett next to him, in bed, wearing shorts, a tank top, and a sexy smile.<p>

Their gazes locked and Kate lifted her head, capturing his lips with her own. He melted into her almost instantly, one arm working its way beneath her, holding her body to his while the other found its home on her side, skimming up and down, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement that things would not go any further tonight. Castle wanted to take her out on a real date first and Kate just was not ready for anything else quiet yet.

They kissed lazily for a few minutes...hours, maybe...Castle had no idea, before Kate pulled away, reaching up to gently cup his cheek. They spent a moment catching their breaths before Kate broke the silence.

"Thank you, Rick," she said softly.

"For what?"

"For being patient. For waiting for me and fighting through my stubbornness and helping me break down that wall."

Castle smiled. "I told you it wouldn't be there forever and I meant it."

Kate smiled back, nothing but pure love reflected on her face. "I know. And I can't even tell you how much it means to me that you were willing to do so much for me."

Castle kissed her softly. "You're worth it, Kate."

She buried her face in his neck to hide her blush. Castle's sincere comments were going to take some getting used to. She was not used to men saying those types of things to her and actually meaning it.

Castle decided that this conversation had probably gone far enough tonight and settled down into the bed, wrapping his arms around Kate much the same way he had the last time they fell asleep together. She snuggled into him right away, breathing him in and sighing happily.

"Goodnight," he murmured into her hair, planting a kiss on the top of her head.

"Night," she replied sleepily.

Castle lay awake for a few minutes, savoring the feeling of having Kate once again sleeping next to him. He knew she had wanted space and he had respected that, but once he knew what it felt like to fall asleep and wake up with her in his arms, he had struggled to sleep any other way. Tomorrow, however, he was sure he would wake up feeling well-rested.

Kate's breathing had evened out and he could feel her body relaxed against his, and only now that he was sure she was asleep did he speak the words he had been wanting to repeat for months.

"I love you, Kate," he whispered into the silence of the room.

Castle was taken completely by surprise when Kate cuddled even closer and murmured, "I love you, too."

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><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	4. Part 4: Scars

_Summary: All secrets eventually see the light of day. Spoilers for Rise._

_Author's Note: So this is a big moment for me...you may have noticed that I upped the rating...I have never written anything M-rated before, and I'm really, really nervous about posting this. It took me a long time to write (I don't think I've ever edited something so much in my life) and even longer to gather up the courage to post it. I apologize to those of you who aren't a fan of M-rated material, but I really couldn't do this one any other way. I tried to keep it tasteful...I hope. For those of you who don't like this kind of thing (or shouldn't be reading it), the next chapter will be back to T._

_I'm not usually one to beg for reviews but please, _please_, let me know if this turned out okay/what I should do differently next time. And in the meantime, I'm going to go insecurely hide in my closet and not write anything else M-rated for a looong time._

_Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own them._

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><p><strong>Scars<strong>

**July 14, 2012**

The bedroom was dark, the only illumination provided by the light peeking in through the slightly open curtains, a composite of street lights and the nearly full moon. Outside, the city was alive with the sounds of the nightlife. Inside, the only sounds to be heard were soft whispers and caresses originating from the tangle of limbs in the middle of the bed.

Castle and Kate had been in bed about half an hour, passing the time grinning lovingly at each other and talking softly. A few minutes ago, however, things had turned heated, with tongues avidly exploring and fingertips inching beneath hemlines. As their mouths continued to duel, Castle's hand was working its way up her body, his fingertips traveling across her stomach and running gently up and down her sides. Kate arched into his touch and moaned softly as his fingers danced across her curves, caressing her soft skin.

Spurred on by her reaction, Castle's hands traveled more confidently across her skin, but as his movements journeyed inward he felt her flinch and tore his lips from hers.

"Kate?" He could tell she was suddenly fighting back tears and was confused at the sudden turn of events. "Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head and he breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that she was not in any pain, at least physically.

"Kate?" he tried again, his thumb brushing gently across her skin, and she brought her left hand up to halt his movement.

As her hand held his in place, near the base of her rib cage, he suddenly realized exactly what the problem was. They had been together for just about three weeks, but this was the first time that they had come close to removing any clothing, partially due to a string of late nights at the precinct and the rest due to Castle picking up on Kate's hesitance.

In the past couple of weeks, Castle had sensed that she seemed to not be ready, and in all honesty, he was in no hurry either. He was finally, _finally,_ with Kate and he fully intended to savor every single moment of their relationship. He had thought that she had been holding back for the same reason, but it was quickly becoming apparent that she had another motive.

"Your scar?" he asked softly, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek.

"It's hideous," she said tearfully, embarrassed for being so self-conscious.

"It's not," Castle assured her.

"You haven't even seen it."

"No, but I know the story behind it, and the scar is a part of that story. It's proof of your strength, of how hard you fight for the people you love. It's proof of everything you've overcome."

"It's proof that I almost died," she pointed out.

He brushed away a few tears. "And every single day, I'm thankful that you are still here with me."

How was it that his words always had the ability to calm her, to wash away her fear and hesitance?

"I haven't been with anyone since before," Kate admitted, though he already knew that. "No one has seen it."

Well, she had shown Lanie, but that was different.

"Let me be the first," Castle whispered.

Slowly, tentatively, Kate lifted her hand from his, freeing his fingers. His eyes never left hers as his fingers traveled upwards, tracing the four-inch scar on the inside of her left breast. His intense gaze did not falter, for which Kate was immensely grateful. Insecure as she felt, she was not in the mood for sympathy or pity.

"You're so beautiful, Kate," he assured her as he pressed a soft kiss against her lips. "And I love you so, so much. Nothing is ever going to change that."

He felt her body relax underneath him and knew that everything was okay, for now. He ran his fingers back down the scar, just once, while his left hand trailed back down to the hem of her shirt. Slowly, he raised it up, Kate lifting herself off the bed slightly to help him remove the garment. He tossed it aside as Kate settled back into the sheets. He could tell she was still feeling incredibly self-conscious as he lowered his lips to hers in a deep kiss.

His hands trailed up and down her torso, playing across her skin as he broke their kiss, gave her a chaste peck before trailing his lips along her jaw and down her neck where he settled on her pulse point, licking and sucking and making her squirm. He gently nipped at the sensitive spot behind her ear, soothing it with his tongue, and continuing his way down her body.

Castle kissed his way gently across her collarbone and down her chest. When he reached her scar, he placed a single kiss at the very center, directly over the spot where the bullet entered her body. She fisted a hand in his hair but did not make any attempt to pull his head away, and for now, Castle considered that enough. Tonight, he did not want to dwell on it. Tonight, he wanted to make her forget.

As is mouth continued its lovely assault on her skin, Kate was busy tugging desperately at his shirt. He tore his mouth away from her long enough for her to yank the t-shirt over his head, but before he could return to his sweet torture, she guided his mouth back to hers while her hands took their turn to explore.

She raked her fingers up and down his chest, scratching ever so lightly with her nails, eventually wrapping her arms around him and pulling him firmly on top of her. She reveled in the feel of the skin-on-skin contact, pressing her chest up more firmly into his. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling his hips directly into contact with hers, both of them releasing simultaneous gasps at the sensation.

Ordinarily, Kate would have used the leverage afforded by her legs to flip them so that she was straddling him. but tonight she was perfectly content to stay beneath him, wrapped up in his bed where she would be partially hidden in the shadows.

Castle seemed to sense her hesitance, her insecurities, her need for reassurance. They say that actions speak louder than words; tonight he was going to prove to her just how much he loved her, no matter what lines were present on her skin.

As she tore her mouth away from his in an effort to catch her breath, he took the opportunity to move down her body, his fingers dipping below the waistband of her shorts and caressing the sensitive skin between her hipbones. So much for catching her breath, Kate thought.

"Castle," she gasped as his fingers traveled lower, trailing around to her hipbones and tugging at her shorts. Kate lifted her hips as he slid the shorts down her long legs. She kicked them off, discarding them somewhere under the covers, leaving her clad in a pair of dark blue boy-shorts and nothing more. It was by far not her best choice of underwear but she desperately needed to do laundry and this was the only pair she had had left. Thankfully the waistband was lacy, otherwise there would be nothing even remotely sexy about them.

Castle, however, did not seem to mind. He was hovering above her, gazing at her reverently, and Kate felt herself wanting to shrink back under his scrutiny.

He dropped a soft kiss on her stomach. "Gorgeous," he murmured into her skin, before resuming his assault on her senses. His lips traveled lower and lower, his tongue dipping into her navel as his fingertips skimmed across the lace.

"You're teasing me," she panted.

He looked up at her and smiled mischievously, a predatory gleam in his eyes. "You love it."

And suddenly his hands and lips and teeth were everywhere at once and she was gasping and writhing and the sounds coming out of her mouth were uncontrollable.

"Oh, God," she panted once she gathered enough breath to speak again.

When Kate blinked her eyes open, she was met with his adoring gaze and she felt herself blush. He smiled gently, and there was nothing cocky about it; it was filled with awe and wonder and pure love. She kissed him then, tasting herself on his lips, and the kiss quickly turned heated once again.

And then he was naked too and wrapped around her and so close to where she wanted him, and God, he made her _so impatient_, and just as she was about to beg he stopped, lifted his head to meet her eyes.

"You sure?" he asked uncertainly.

"I trust you, Rick."

The smile that spread across his face could have lit up the entire room.

Castle kissed her softly once, twice, before lifting his head, his gaze locking with hers as two became one for the first time.

"Kate..."

She smiled up at him, held him closer.

They moved together, giving and taking, sharing soft kisses and whispered words, and by the time they fell over the edge together, neither could speak, let alone breathe, and Castle's arms gave out as he collapsed on top of her.

"Wow," he whispered, still in a daze. Kate could only nod in agreement.

At long last, they separated. He rolled onto his side and Kate wasted no time in snuggling up to him. Castle wrapped her securely in his arms, pulling her body flush against his, not caring that they were both sticky with sweat. Kate kissed him then in a gesture so full of love that had they been standing, Castle was sure his knees would have given out.

She nuzzled his nose as she pulled away and nestled her head into the crook of his neck, planting a gentle kiss on his skin.

He kissed her hair in response.

For a long time, no words needed to be spoken. They basked in the aftermath together, grinning giddily and stealing tender kisses. Kate looked absolutely radiant and Castle's eyes were shining.

"Rick?"

He was so lost in replaying the evening and committing every moment to memory that her voice caught him off guard. "Yeah?"

He felt her smile against his neck. "I love you, too."

* * *

><p>Castle woke late the next morning. The sun was already shining and the light of day was streaming through the curtains and onto the bed. He rolled over and stretched, his arm coming into contact with a warm body and he opened his eyes to find Kate clad in his bathrobe and propped up against the headboard, smiling down at him.<p>

"Were you watching me sleep, Detective?"

She shrugged. "Maybe."

He tugged on the edge of the robe. "Why are you up there?"

"I woke up." It had been difficult to untangle herself from his embrace but she had really needed to use the bathroom.

He tugged harder. "Come back here."

"Why?"

"It's Sunday, and I fully intend to start off the morning by staying right here in bed with you."

Kate raised an eyebrow. "Do you now?"

Castle just smiled.

"And what if I had a different idea?"

Now it was Castle's turn to raise an eyebrow.

Kate unfolded her knees and stood, sauntering towards the bathroom. "You do have a giant bathtub that I've been dying to try out."

He shot out of bed and snagged her around the waist just as she stepped over the threshold. "Tease."

Kate's witty remark quickly turned into a moan as Castle began peppering her neck with kisses, making his way down the side of her throat and nudging the robe out of the way as he ran his lips across the top of her shoulder. She clung to his arms and tilted her head, granting him further access.

"Any chance I could join you in that luxurious bath?" he asked when she was thoroughly distracted.

He reached up to untie the robe but Kate reacted instantly and stopped him. In the broad light of day, standing naked in front of his bathroom mirror as she washed her hands, she had found herself once again self-conscious, and donning his robe had been very much intentional.

This time, however, Castle caught on immediately and knew exactly what he needed to do. With his arms still wrapped around her, he walked them forward so they were standing in front of the giant mirror. She promptly looked away but Castle would not allow it.

"Look at me," he whispered, and to his surprise, her eyes met his in the glass without any protest.

He spoke softly, his eyes never leaving hers. "You know one of the first things that drew me to you?"

Kate shook her head.

"Your complexity. I've known you for four years and yet you still surprise me every day. There's always something new to learn about you." He twined his fingers with hers and raised their hands, extending their index fingers. He pushed the fluffy fabric aside and used their interlocked digits to trace the scar. "This only adds to it."

He brought their fingers to his lips, kissing them softly. He used his other hand to untie her robe and push it aside so she could watch as he pressed their fingers gently against her scar, passing along the kiss.

Kate felt tears welling up in her eyes and blinked fiercely to hold them back. A couple escaped anyways and Castle reached up and captured them with his thumb before turning her in his arms and pressing his lips to the wet trails they had left on her cheeks.

"You really think that?" she asked shyly.

"Absolutely."

It was moments like this that Kate wished she possessed his way with words because she was not sure she would ever be able to fully convey her gratitude. In all the time they had spent together, despite all the mistakes they had made, he had always been there for her. He was her comic relief when she did not even realize that a smile was enough to make her feel better. He was a silent listener when she just needed to vent. He was unrelenting, forcing his way back in when she kicked him out, most of the time not really wanting him to leave. He was her rock when her entire world collapsed around her, and he was the glue that was still helping pull her back together.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" she mused aloud.

Castle smiled and pressed a whisper of a kiss to her lips as he slid the robe off of her body, leaving both of them naked and wrapped up in each other's arms.

"You gave me something worth fighting for."

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	5. Part 5: Busted

__Summary: All secrets eventually see the light of day. Spoilers for Rise.__

_Author's Note: Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your kind words last chapter! I was so nervous about posting it and it's comforting to know that I did their first time justice. You all are so amazing, I don't even know what else to say. For those of you who don't like M-rated stuff, we're back to T. Enjoy!_

___Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own them.___

* * *

><p><strong>Busted<strong>

**July 16, 2012**

"Girl, it's six-forty-two on a Monday morning, you have no right to be smiling like that!" Lanie's voice rang out across the crime scene as Kate approached, her mind thoroughly engaged in replaying memories of last night.

"Huh?" Kate asked as she noticed Lanie fixing her with an expression that quite clearly proved that Kate's poker face was failing miserably.

"Spill," Lanie demanded.

Kate played dumb. "Spill what?"

"Whatever's got you so happy."

Kate shrugged casually. "I just had a relaxing weekend, that's all."

"Right, which is why you're blushing."

Kate instantly covered her cheeks with her glove-clad hands, but even through the fabric she could feel the heat radiating from them. Damn.

"No I'm not," she pointlessly denied.

"You so are. So tell me, did a certain author have anything to do with your weekend relaxation?" Lanie asked, clearly already knowing what the answer was going to be.

Kate could not have stopped her grin if she had wanted to.

Lanie tossed her clipboard aside and wrapped Kate up in a giant hug. "Oh my God, girl, I can't believe it!" She pulled back to look her friend in the eye. "How was it."

"Amazing." Kate paused. "And kind of an emotional roller coaster."

"How so?"

Kate's hand automatically went to her chest. "It was my first time since..."

Lanie placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Oh, sweetie. What did he say about it?"

"God, Lanie, he was so sweet. He told me I'm beautiful and that he loves me no matter what and..." Kate swiped at a traitorous tear. "There I was, hating how ugly it is and to him it was just a part of me, and he just...he didn't ignore it but he didn't obsess over it either."

Lanie hugged her friend again. "I'm so happy for you," she whispered, just loud enough for Kate to hear.

They separated and Lanie retrieved her clipboard. "So where is he this morning?"

Kate gestured over her shoulder. "Around the corner getting coffee."

"What did you do, drop him off where none of us could see you guys?"

Kate laughed. "Pretty much."

They had been careful to avoid showing up at crime scenes together at odd hours or arriving at the precinct at the same time, not because they did not want Ryan and Esposito to know but because they did not want to give Gates any more reason to want Castle gone. For the most part, they had even managed to keep their hands off of each other, though there had been a few stolen kisses in the elevator and the occasional touch of comfort.

Lanie launched into a description of the victim's wounds and was just describing the estimated height of her attacker when Castle appeared, toting two coffee cups and a bag, undoubtedly containing a bear claw.

"Still nothing for the M.E.?" Lanie asked, feigning anger.

"I...well...you..."

"Relax, Castle, I'm joking."

He breathed a sigh of relief and passed a cup to Kate.

His fingers brushed hers as the vessel exchanged hands and Kate smiled at him. "Thanks."

He smiled back. "Not a problem."

When they turned back to Lanie, she had a very interested expression on her face.

"What?" Kate asked.

Lanie glanced from her to Castle and back. "Nothing."

At that moment, Ryan and Esposito joined the group and began reciting eyewitness accounts, seemingly oblivious to the change in status of their coworkers. Kate synthesized all of the information and doled out duties before turning back to Lanie.

"Anything else?"

"You tell me."

"Meet me at the precinct at noon and we'll grab lunch?" Kate asked.

"You got it."

"And Lanie," Kate added suddenly, "not a word to anyone."

They turned and made their way back to the cruiser, Lanie watching curiously. They were walking closer than normal, their arms brushing. To the untrained eye, it appeared as though nothing had changed, but when Castle said something funny and Kate laughed freely, their eyes meeting in the process, Lanie could tell exactly what had been said over the weekend.

"Okay, did I miss something at the crime scene?" Castle asked as they climbed into the car.

"What do you mean?"

"I get the feeling you and Lanie were talking about something besides the body."

Kate reached over and twined her fingers with his. "She may be on to us."

"Oh really? And how did that happen?"

Kate signaled and pulled out into traffic. "She might have noticed me grinning when I arrived at the scene."

"And what, my dear detective, would have been causing such a reaction?"

Kate smacked his thigh with their joined hands. "I am _not_ going to stroke your ego."

"But feel free to stroke other parts of me anytime," Castle replied without missing a beat.

Kate rolled her eyes.

"Can I come to lunch with you guys today?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's a girls-only date."

"Meaning you're going to talk about me?"

Kate smacked him again. "Yes, I'm going to be venting about how arrogant and annoying you can be."

"And yet you love me anyways, which I think says more about you than about me."

"Shut up, Castle," she said, though her smile undermined her attempts to be stern.

He lifted their hands and placed a gentle kiss against the back of hers. "I love you too, Detective."

* * *

><p>"Okay, spill," Lanie demanded. She and Kate were having salads and sandwiches at a quaint deli a couple blocks from the precinct and so far, Lanie had been overflowing with questions.<p>

"I already did."

"Nuh uh, I just got the Cliff Notes version. Now I want to hear the rest of it."

Kate sighed. "Fine, where do you want me to start?"

"The beginning," Lanie said, the 'duh' implied.

"Well, so three weeks ago..."

"Three _weeks_ ago! And I'm just _now_ hearing about this?" Lanie practically shouted.

"Are you going to let me talk?"

"Of course."

As they ate, Kate recapped the evening they shared their first kiss, followed by snippets of the following weeks. True to his word, Castle had taken her out, to an out-of-the-way Italian restaurant not far from the loft. Other than that, they had kept things fairly low-key, eating take-out together in one of their living rooms, watching movies, or even just cuddling up on the couch surrounded by case files. Prior to this weekend, they had only spent a few nights together, but Kate had a feeling that that was about to change.

"Wait a second," Lanie interrupted, incredulous. "You guys were together for three weeks and Writer Boy didn't so much as make a move to get you into bed?"

"Not really."

"Did you tell him not to?"

"No, but I think he could tell I wasn't ready."

"Well from the sounds of it, you weren't entirely ready this weekend, either," Lanie pointed out.

Kate shrugged. "I was, I just wasn't ready for him to see my scar...that doesn't make any sense."

"Sure it does," Lanie appeased. "And I have to say, girl, you are damn lucky to have him to help you through all of this."

"I wouldn't trust anyone else with it," Kate admitted.

Lanie reached across the table and squeezed her friend's hand. "Please tell me you told him how you feel."

Kate smiled and squeezed back. "I did. We both did."

"I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, Lanie."

"Anytime." Lanie wadded up her sandwich wrapper and pulled out her phone to check the time. "Now let's go. According to Javi, you've got a lonely, love-sick puppy sitting in your desk chair."

Kate rolled her eyes. "He's ridiculous."

Lanie stood and picked up her tray. "And yet you love him anyways."

Kate dumped her trash. "I know."

As they exited the restaurant, Kate's phone pinged and she opened it to find a text from said love-sick puppy.

_I miss you. Come back soon._

Kate smiled in spite of herself and Lanie caught on immediately. "What did he say?" she asked, attempting to read over Kate's shoulder.

She covered the screen with her hand. "Nothing."

"Ooh, is it dirty?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

Kate sighed. "He misses me."

"You've been gone for all of an hour. Tops."

"I know." She missed him too, but Lanie did not need to know that.

"So you really spent all weekend at his house?"

Kate blushed and pretended to be occupied with her phone.

"You did, didn't you?"

Sometimes she did not know why she even bothered to try to hide anything from Lanie. "I went over Saturday afternoon and left this morning."

"You had clothes over there?"

"No, we stopped by my apartment on the way so I could change."

Lanie raised her eyebrows.

Kate took the bait. "What?"

"Just wondering why you're bothering to pay rent on your own place."

"Lanie!" Kate exclaimed. It was far too early to even think about moving in with him.

"Just saying, I'm not foreseeing many nights spend at your place."

"Well, his bed is pretty comfortable." Kate winked at her friend as they crossed the street to and stepped up in front of the precinct.

"God, girl, you've got it bad."

Kate just smiled. "I know."

Lanie's phone chimed and she dug it out of her purse. "I gotta go, but we'll talk soon, okay?"

"For sure, I want to hear all about you and _Javi_," Kate mimicked lovingly.

Lanie rolled her eyes, but smiled at the thought of her boyfriend. Things had not been entirely smooth as of late, but for right now all was well. "Bye," she called over her shoulder.

Kate waved to her friend with a smile before taking a deep breath and ensuring her work face was back in place. As she stepped off the elevator, however, and her eyes landed on a familiar figure, seated in her chair with his head down on the desk, an endearing smile split her face.

Her smile did not go unnoticed by the other detectives, and Ryan and Esposito watched intently as Kate walked over to her desk and placed a hand on Castle's shoulder. She shook him gently and his head snapped up.

"Huh?"

"You're sleeping in my chair," Kate pointed out.

Castle shrugged. "I got bored."

"So I heard."

"What?"

"Esposito texted Lanie and the phrase 'love-sick puppy' was involved."

"I'm not a love-sick puppy!" Castle exclaimed.

"Well your poker face leaves a lot to be desired," Kate pointed out, acutely aware of Ryan and Esposito staring at them.

"Says the one who showed up at a crime scene while picturing me naked."

Kate smacked his arm. "Shut up."

"Everything okay over here?" They looked up to see Ryan and Esposito standing in front of Kate's desk, arms crossed and smug expressions on their faces.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

Ryan shrugged. "Well I heard the word 'love' and the word 'naked' and we were just wondering if there was anything you'd like to share."

Kate, who had been standing next to Castle when the boys showed up, had turned to face them, putting her waist level with Castle's head. He had taken advantage of the situation and was not-so-discreetly trailing his fingers up and down the back of her thigh, making it incredibly difficult for Kate to be convincing in her answer. However, smacking his hand away would only draw more attention to the situation, so Kate just bit down on the inside of her cheek and pretended to be unaffected.

"Nope, nothing," she responded, and to anyone who did not know her, her answer may have been convincing.

The boys, however, were not to be fooled. "Really? Then would you care to explain why you're standing so close to him?"

Kate subconsciously moved away from him and he dropped his hand, inconspicuously.

"I'm not standing that close!"

"She's not that close!" They spoke at the same time.

Ryan and Esposito looked at each other, then back to the guilty pair. "Uh huh."

"You know, come to think of it, haven't they been showing up to scenes together lately?"

"Yeah, they have," Ryan agreed.

"You guys show up together all the time," Castle pointed out.

"We're partners."

Kate did not miss a beat. "So are we."

"Partners who can't keep their hands to themselves?"

"What?"

Esposito extracted his phone from his pants pocket and clicked through the menu to display a picture.

"Look familiar?"

Kate clapped a hand over her mouth and Castle stood to get a better look at the picture. They were standing-very close together-in the break room, talking and drinking coffee, and their free hands were entwined. They both immediately recognized the picture as being from the previous week during an extremely late night as they wrapped up a case. The bullpen had been next to deserted and they must have been on their fourth cup of coffee by this point. Kate recalled being exhausted and frustrated, and Castle had taken her hand in comfort, though he had been sure there was nobody around at the time.

"What the...?"

Kate snatched the phone out of Esposito's hand. "Where did you get this?"

He just smiled. "I took it."

"You guys had left by this point," Kate remembered.

"Obviously not," Ryan pointed out.

"We were on our way out," Esposito added.

Kate turned to her partner and the look in his eyes quite clearly stated that they might as well come clean.

She sighed. "Okay, have your fun and collect your winnings."

"Wait, really?" Esposito had expected them to continue denying it.

"Really, what?" Castle was still going to have some fun with this.

"You guys are really together?"

"Well, we're standing here together right now."

Kate whacked his arm. "Castle, stop it."

"You said we should tease them," he pouted and she had to resist the urge to kiss the pout right off of his face.

"I think we're a little past that now."

"Wait, you guys were trying to tease us with this?"

Kate smiled guiltily. "Maybe a little bit."

"Damn, maybe I didn't win the pool," Ryan interjected. "When exactly did all of this happen?"

"About a month ago."

"Seriously?" Esposito turned to his partner. "Either those two are damn good or we gotta work on our detecting skills a bit more."

Ryan laughed. "They're not that good."

"Hey, bro, watch it. You just insulted us."

"No I didn't."

"You did."

"Did not."

"Okay, while you guys debate this, I'm going to start working on verifying Wessner's alibi," Kate interrupted.

The turned and strode to the murder board leaving Castle to listen to Esposito and Ryan's bickering. Eventually, he must have grown tired of swiveling his head back and forth as though he was watching a tennis match and stood to join Kate. However, the moment he turned his back, he felt a firm hand on his shoulder and stumbled backwards.

"Castle," Esposito spoke in a low, intimidating voice.

"Yeah?"

Esposito rested his hand on his gun. "You hurt her, and we know how to make your death look accidental."

"I know, guys."

Ryan patted him on the shoulder. "Just making sure."

The partners fist bumped each other, a gesture that seemed to become more convoluted every time it occurred, and headed back to their desks to work. Castle, meanwhile, stood awkwardly next to Kate's chair, completely flustered.

"You okay?"

At the sound of her voice, he turned and nodded. "Uh, yeah."

As realization dawned on her, Kate laughed. "You just got the boyfriend talk, didn't you?"

"Yeah, the scary cop version."

She laid a hand on his arm and gave it a comforting squeeze. "I think you'll survive." She reached for her keys and phone. "Come on, let's go check out that bar Wessner claims he was at."

Kate pocketed her phone and called out to the guys, who appeared to be discussing something important.

"Hey, come here for a sec before you run off." Ryan motioned her over.

"Just Beckett," Esposito added, holding up a hand in Castle's direction.

"What's up?"

"Castle's one of us now, you know," Ryan began.

Esposito picked up where he left off. "You hurt him, you answer to us."

She would have smiled at their protectiveness towards him had she not just been threatened. She loved them like brothers and knew they were protective of her, too, but it was much more unnerving to be on the other end of the conversation.

"I won't hurt him, you guys," Kate promised.

"Just making sure we're all on the same page," Ryan explained.

Kate smiled at them as she turned away.

"Hey, Beckett," Esposito called after her.

She whirled around. "Yeah?"

"We're happy for you two."

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	6. Part 6: Anniversary

__Summary: All secrets eventually see the light of day. Spoilers for Rise. __

___Author's Note: This one is quite a bit shorter but some things deserve their own chapter. _

___Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own them.___

* * *

><p><strong>Anniversary<strong>

**January 9, 2013**

"Rick?"

He untangled his arm from beneath her and rose slightly, propping himself up on his elbow. "Yeah?"

She snuggled into the covers, looking up at him, her eyes unsure. "Will you come with me today?"

If he was surprised by her request, he did an excellent job of hiding it. "To visit your mom?"

Kate nodded against the pillow.

Castle reached out and cupped her cheek. "I would love to."

Kate had not been to the cemetery since the day after they finally closed the case, and though this was usually a day she spent alone, for the first time ever, she wanted someone to be there with her.

Silently, they climbed out of bed and made their way to the bathroom. Kate was not necessarily planning to shower with him, but when he climbed in after her and began gently massaging her scalp, she had no intention of complaining. Castle washed and conditioned her hair, then did his own while she washed her body. He rinsed himself quickly and planted a kiss on her temple on his way out of the shower, leaving Kate alone in the stall.

When she emerged from her bedroom thirty minutes later, Castle was in the kitchen reading the paper. There was a mug of steaming coffee and a muffin sitting on the counter for her. He glanced up and smiled as she took a seat next to him, but did not say a word, and Kate found herself fighting back tears at how he seemed to instinctively understand exactly what she needed today. She was so used to people pitying her when they found out about her mother, but Castle had never reacted that way. Sure, he was behaving differently today, but Kate sensed that it was simply out of respect for her mother rather than anything else.

By the time they left her apartment, Castle had still spoken very few words, for which Kate was thankful. There would be time later to ask questions and tell stories, but right now, she needed to be lost in her thoughts.

It was snowing lightly outside, the remnants of the storm that had rolled in the previous day. The sidewalks and roads had been mostly cleared already but there were still a few straggling flakes accumulating on the wet ground. The brisk New York winter air stole the heat from their breaths, and Kate pulled her jacked tighter around her body to fend off the cold. Castle's gloved hand linked with hers was warm and solid, her anchor to reality for today, and for that, she was incredibly thankful.

They rounded the corner about a block from the cemetery and Castle tugged her hand gently, leading her into the nearest floral shop where they selected a bouquet of Johanna's favorite flower...yellow and orange lilies...before continuing to their destination. It struck Kate as they walked that Castle had brought her the same flowers two years before after John Raglan's death, and she made a mental note to ask him about that later.

As they stepped into the cemetery, Castle could feel the immediate change in Kate. Gone was the confident woman he usually saw and in her place he could see the hints of a scared, broken nineteen-year-old who's life had just been irreparably shattered. As a writer, Castle was fairly adept at reading people, at getting into their heads and understanding their thoughts and motivations, but he knew that what was currently going through Kate's mind was something he could only just begin to comprehend. Instead, he did the only thing he could do; he simply remained next to her, flowers in one hand, her fingers twined with the other, and offered silent strength and support.

As they approached Johanna Beckett's gravestone, Castle hesitated, unsure of how much privacy Kate would want, but her insistent tugging on his hand quickly clarified her intentions. They stopped in front of the stone, their feet finding solid ground amongst the snow-covered grass.

Kate glanced at him and he wordlessly passed her the flowers. She loosened her other hand from his and squatted down to lay the lillies at the base of the stone.

Castle saw a teardrop fall into the snow as she reached out to trace her mother's name and began to speak.

"Hi, Mom," she said quietly. "So much had happened since the last time we talked and I wish you could be here to see it."

She sniffed and wiped her eyes. Next to her, Castle wanted so badly to reach out and hug her, to trap her in his embrace and never let her go. It broke his heart to see her in so much pain and to know that there was nothing he could do to make it better.

"I can't believe it's been fourteen years, Mom. I still miss you every day." Kate paused. "Fourteen years ago, I never thought I'd still be here. I never thought I'd make it through losing you and I definitely never thought I'd ever be happy again."

"I met someone, Mom, and I wish you could meet him too. He's amazing, Mom. He has a wonderful sense of humor and he makes my life so much more fun. He's the best partner I could ever ask for and he's so sweet to me and I love him so much. He's turned my life upside down in ways I never imagined and sometimes it's terrifying but it's completely worth it. He's everything I ever wanted and just...he makes me so happy." Kate looked up at him and was met with a gentle smile. She turned back to the stone. "He's here with me today. I know I usually come alone, but I want you to meet him. I know he would have loved to meet you."

She glanced up again and this time, Castle knelt next to her, running a hand reverently across the top of the stone. He wished Johanna was here with them, so that he could tell her just how amazing her daughter was. He had no doubt she would be proud of who Kate had become.

"I love you, Mom. So much." Kate brought a hand to her lips and pressed a gentle kiss against her fingers, then pressed them to her mother's name.

She stayed there a while longer, allowing the tears to flow, letting herself mourn the loss of her mother. This was the one day of the year she allowed it to swallow her whole.

At long last, Kate stood on wobbly legs and Castle rose beside her, one hand planted firmly on her shoulder, once again acting as her anchor. Instinctively she turned into him, wrapping her arms around his chest and burying her face in his neck.

Castle hugged her back, swaying their bodies back and forth slightly, soothingly, while the sobs wracked her body. He could feel her trembling against him, the cold or the emotion or both, so he simply held her tighter, one hand cradling her head to his neck and the other wrapping around her waist and pulling her body securely against his.

Eventually he felt her sobbing subside, giving way to just a few lingering tears.

"My mom would have loved you," Kate said softly, almost to herself.

"I'm sure I would have loved her, too," Castle spoke into her hair.

She hummed in response.

"She loved your books, you know?" she offered suddenly.

He looked up in surprise. "Really?"

Kate nodded. "A few months after her death, I moved back to New York from Stanford. My dad was already drowning himself in alcohol. I had to take a cab home from the airport because he was too drunk to drive. I got home and he was passed out on the couch, surrounded by bottles."

She felt his arms tighten around her.

"My mom was gone and I felt so lost and all I wanted was my dad and I came home and saw that and..." Kate trailed off as she fought back a fresh wave of tears at the memory. "I remember climbing into my parents' bed and wrapping myself around her pillow and crying myself to sleep. When I woke up the next day, I noticed your book on her nightstand. Dad still hadn't moved any of her things. She'd been reading your books for years but I'd never bothered. I picked it up, though, just to see what it was about. I thought it might bring me closer to her somehow."

Castle reached up with his thumb and gently wiped the tears off of her cheek. "Did it?"

"I like to think so," she admitted. "But more than that, it gave me hope. I finished the entire book in one day and started on the rest of her collection the next. At this point, the cops had already covered up the truth and blown off my mom's case. But in your book...they caught the bad guy. Justice was served, and it made me believe that there was still a chance to make things right, to find the truth for my mom."

Kate felt a tear drop roll down the side of her neck and lifted her head in time to watch a second tear make its way down her boyfriend's cheek. She captured it with her thumb.

"Rick?"

Castle leaned down and claimed her lips in a tender kiss. "Hearing stories like that...knowing that what I write has the power to help people...that's why I write. That's what makes it all worthwhile."

"You've helped me more than you'll ever know," she replied softly.

Castle hugged her tightly and reburied his face in her partially snow-covered hair. "Thank you for telling me that."

He felt her smile into his neck. "You pegged me as a fan the day you met me," Kate recalled. "But I couldn't tell you then. Not without..." she hesitated.

"Without telling me everything you wanted to keep private," Castle finished.

Kate nodded against him. "But you deserve to know."

"And I'm so glad I do."

They stood in a silent embrace, their warm breaths and salty tears mixing, as Kate, for the first time ever, allowed someone to share the pain of losing her mother, to shoulder part of her burden.

"Thank you," she whispered at long last, her voice soft in his ear.

"For what?"

"For being here with me. For being everything I needed today. For loving my mom."

Castle cupped her face and leaned in to press a chaste kiss to her lips. "Thank you for sharing her with me."

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	7. Part 7: Hidden

__Summary: All secrets eventually see the light of day. Spoilers for Rise.__

_Author's Note: To be completely honest, I'm drawing a blank about what to say here. I think I'm still recovering from Cops and Robbers, because holy crap, it was amazing! And I don't even know what inspired the idea for this chapter, so...I guess that's all I've got for now. _

___Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own them.___

* * *

><p><strong>Hidden<strong>

**May 11, 2013**

Castle happily entered his bedroom..._their_ bedroom...whistling a random tune, his arms loaded up with the final two boxes of his girlfriend's things. He was about to announce his presence when he noticed Kate sitting cross-legged on the floor by the dresser, clutching something tightly in her hands. Her face obscured by her hair so Castle could not immediately assess what was wrong, and as he approached, he became even less sure of the situation.

"Kate?" he asked gently, squatting down and resting a hand on her shoulder. "What is it?"

Tentatively, she uncurled her fingers, revealing a small, square, dark blue velvet box.

Castle reacted immediately, placing one hand over the box, on top of hers, and using the other to tilt her chin up so he could see her eyes.

"How did you...?"

"I was hiding something in your drawer," she answered, unsure if she should feel ashamed, guilty, confused, or just plain overwhelmed.

"I'm sorry, Kate, I didn't mean for you to find out this way."

Kate was relieved he did not seem mad. "Is this really...?" she trailed off, unable to even finish the sentence.

"You didn't look?"

Kate shook her head. "I wasn't sure I wanted to know."

Castle gently slipped the box from her hand and slid it into his pocket. "Yes, it is."

Her head snapped up. "Rick?"

He stood and extended his hands to her, helping her to her feet and pulling her straight into his embrace. She was trembling slightly, or maybe he was, he could not tell, and they both were breathing heavily.

Kate was in shock. She had opened his underwear drawer with the simple goal of hiding a pair of particularly sexy black lace panties in amongst his undergarments, never expecting her fingers to run into a tiny jewelry box. Her brain had gone into overdrive immediately and although the rational part of her was trying to stay calm, telling her it was not a big deal, the rest of her was beyond caring about cogent thought. Her hands were shaking as she sank to the ground, clutching the box to her chest and fighting back the surge of emotions that was threatening to overwhelm her.

That was exactly how Castle had found her.

The small box felt heavy in his pocket and the whole situation still seemed somewhat surreal. However, as he stood there hugging her, his heart racing, his whole body amped up on adrenaline, he was reminded that it was very much real, and that he had to do something to remedy it, and soon. Surprisingly, he was not all that upset at Kate's discovery; instead, he was worried about her reaction, worried that once the full implications hit her, it would be too much.

They had been together for just under a year now and only last week had he finally convinced her to move into the loft. They had spent the entirety of today moving her belongings and hauling her unneeded furniture to a storage facility until they had a chance to sell it. It had been a long and emotional process, especially for Kate who had never before lived with anyone outside of her family, and this was not going to do anything to help her current state.

The first time Castle had broached the subject of cohabitation, two months prior, she had freaked out, saying that it was too soon, that she was not ready, and he wisely did not push the issue. Kate was impressed that he had restrained himself for an entire month before bringing it up again, and though it came as less of a shock the second time, Kate claimed she still was not quite ready. In reality, she was more than ready, and that scared her. Never before had she been so willing to give up her last bit of true independence for another person. Sure, Castle would never force her to be dependent and he always gave her time and space when she needed it, but officially moving in with him would mean giving up the one place she went to when she just wanted to be alone.

The previous weekend, however, over a dinner of Chinese take-out, Castle had tentatively approached the issue again, this time with a plan.

"_Kate?"_

_She looked up from her meal. "Yeah?"_

_Rather than easing into it as he had done before, he took a deep breath and decided to go for broke. "Move in with me."_

"_What?" It was the third time she had heard those words and yet it still caught her off-guard._

"_Move in with me. Come live at the loft, permanently."_

_She wanted to freak out again. She wanted to come up with excuses for why she was not ready, why it was too soon, but she came up completely empty. She was ready, as terrifying a thought as that was, and she could tell that he knew it too. Despite the knowledge, however, he offered an additional suggestion as if to assure her that he understood what she was going through and why she had been so hesitant in the past. _

"_I know this is a big step," he began, "and I know you're probably terrified, and honestly, I am too. I know there's going to be times where we yell and scream and drive each other crazy, and when that happens and you just need to get away, I want you to have a place to go."_

"_Castle..."_

_He held up his hand. "No, hear me out. I want you to feel at home here but I also want you to have your own space, so I think we should set up the upstairs guest room to be yours. You can bring over whatever you want and that can be your little sanctuary and..."_

"_Castle," she said much more firmly this time._

"_Huh?"_

"_You talk too much. Yes, I'll move in with you."_

_Kate was not sure if it was his understanding or his patience or the look of childlike excitement on his face that finally convinced her to say yes, but the next thing she knew, he was on his feet and she was being swept up into his arms and spun around wildly. She clung to his shoulders for dear life until her feet met the floor again. Just as she started to let go, however, she found herself being pulled into a passionate kiss and retightened her grip in an effort to remain upright. _

_She kissed him back just as fervently and as clothing started disappearing, he muttered something about taking this to the bedroom. _Their _bedroom. Kate smiled. She liked the sound of that. _

_Their dinner lay forgotten on the table._

After standing in silence for at least five minutes, Kate finally spoke, her voice pulling him out of the memory. "How long?"

"Since December."

Kate took an unsteady breath but still did not lift her head. Some things were easier to discuss without being overrun with the emotions she was sure were emanating from Castle's eyes. "But that's...almost six months ago."

She felt him nod against her head. "I know."

"Why?" She had so many questions but could only seem to manage one word at a time.

Castle shrugged. "I knew."

"How?"

"I just did."

"But we weren't...we'd hardly been together."

"True, but I've known you long enough to know."

"But what if...we hadn't even talked about living together. What if it doesn't work out?" Kate asked tentatively.

"It will."

"But what if it doesn't?"

"It will," Castle repeated.

"How can you be sure?"

"We've been practically living together for the last eleven months," he pointed out. "And besides, I'm willing to do _anything_ so that it _does _work. That's how I know."

Oh my God. What did she ever do to deserve someone who was _this_ in love with her?

He felt a drop of water drip onto the skin of his neck and make its way beneath the collar of his shirt.

"Kate?"

No response.

He gently tugged on her hair until her head lifted and her eyes were visible. "Kate?"

She closed her eyes forcefully and staunchly avoided looking at him.

"Please don't cry. I didn't mean for this to upset you."

She shook her head. "I'm not upset. I'm just...overwhelmed."

Castle nodded in understanding. "I know. And I'm sorry. This was already an important day for us and we didn't need to add anything more to the mix." He raised her chin with his fingers so that he could look her straight in the eye. "Let's not deal with this now, okay? Let's get you settled in the loft and adjusted to living here and then we can start thinking about this."

"But you're already thinking about it," Kate pointed out. "You have been for a long time."

"I know, and that's true, but I always intended to wait for you to be ready."

"I'm not," Kate said quickly.

"I know. And that's why it was hidden, and it's why I haven't brought it up."

"Yeah, but..."

"There's no pressure, Kate," Castle placated. "I'm not going to push you into anything you're not ready for. I can wait."

"Then why did you buy it?" They had yet to refer to 'it' by its actual name.

"Because I knew where I wanted our relationship to go."

Wow. Kate was completely overcome. He wanted to marry her. Richard Castle wanted her to be his wife. Somewhere deep down she knew she wanted the same, otherwise she never would have agreed to move in with him. However, secretly knowing it and hearing it out of his mouth were two very different things.

"Kate," he leaned in and captured her lips in a gentle kiss. "Just let it go for now, okay? Don't overanalyze everything."

"It's difficult not to," she admitted.

Castle kissed her forehead. "I know. But try to let it go. Nothing changes. We're still Rick and Kate. At the precinct, we're still Castle and Beckett. I still love you and I'm still beyond thrilled that you officially live here now."

"But how am I supposed to forget what I saw? What I know? How am I supposed to pretend everything is the same when it's not?"

This was rapidly becoming far too complicated.

"You won't forget it, I know that. I'm just asking you to not let it color our relationship. Let's just let things unfold naturally, just like we always have."

"And you're okay with that?"

"As long as I'm waking up with you in my arms, I'm a happy man. Everything else can wait."

"Would you like some wine with your cheese?"

Castle chuckled and was pleased to see that she offered a small smile in response.

"Actually, I think wine sounds like a perfect way to celebrate our first night living together."

"Sure," Kate agreed, but Castle could tell her mind was still a million miles away.

"Kate," he called softly, bringing her back to the present.

"Huh?"

He pulled her back into his embrace, not knowing what else to do. The worst of the crisis seemed to be averted, but he had no idea when the repercussions would truly come to light.

"I love you," he said softly, kissing her temple. "So much."

Kate was struggling to understand how he could be so nonchalant about all of this; then again, she was the one who had just been hit with a bombshell, not him.

Castle pulled her against him more tightly, whispering sweet nothings and planting the occasional kiss in her hair, and as she relaxed into him, Kate found herself already beginning to accept these new circumstances. She was wrapped up in his arms and it felt just like it always had; warm, loving, protective. He still said 'I love you' the same way he had before. He was still pretending that he was not secretly smelling her hair and she was still not-so-subtly breathing him in.

Kate planted a trail of kisses up his neck and across his jawbone before meeting his mouth with hers.

"I love you, too, Rick," she whispered, and it was at that moment that he knew everything was okay, at least for now.

She felt him smile against her mouth and place one last chaste kiss against her lips before loosening his hold on her and reaching for her hand.

"Come on."

"Where?"

"I do believe we have an important occasion to celebrate, and I have quite a few ideas."

"Do you now?"

Castle offered a sultry smile. "I most certainly do. But right now, we have a delicious bottle of wine calling our names. First things first"

He tugged on her hand and led her excitedly out of _their _bedroom and through the loft to the kitchen.

"I really am sorry," Kate said softly as he uncorked a bottle of their favorite red wine.

"Why?"

"I ruined your surprise."

Castle laughed. "Actually, you kind of ruined your own surprise."

"Rick!" She smacked him in the shoulder.

"Well, it's true." She was clearly displeased with his reaction. "Honestly though, I'm glad you did," he admitted. Kate looked at him curiously and he expounded. "This was something we needed to discuss, and now we know where each other stands. I admit, the timing could have been better."

Kate laughed, but he could tell she remained somewhat unconvinced.

"Besides," he added, "you didn't actually look _in_ the box, so it's still at least a partial surprise."

This time they both laughed, and just like that, the anxiety dissipated. Castle knew Kate would probably lie awake at night, contemplating this turn of events. Kate was sure that there would be plenty of fights to be had about this particular subject in the near future. But right now, none of it mattered. She was officially living with Richard Castle, and that was cause for merriment.

For the next hour, they sat on the bar stools, drinking and laughing, sharing funny stories of their childhoods and recounting amusing moments from cases they had worked. Kate found herself excited at the prospect of coming home to this every night, of having someone to relax with. As she contemplated this, she came to the realization, as she had the previous week when he asked her to move in, that maybe she was more ready for the next step than she realized. Maybe the thought of that ring finding a home on her finger was not so far-fetched. And maybe, just maybe, marriage really was not so far out of the question after all.

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	8. Part 8: Promises

_Summary: All secrets eventually see the light of day. Spoilers for Rise._

_Author's Note: This one is ridiculously fluffy. And really long...it kind of ran away from me. See the end for the rest of this AN._

_Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own them._

* * *

><p><strong>Promises<strong>

**November 27, 2013**

"Love," Kate said softly, her voice still foggy with sleep.

It was the morning before Thanksgiving and Castle had convinced her to take a few days off so that they could spend a long weekend in the Hamptons. They had left yesterday after work, grabbing dinner along the way. They arrived after dark, collapsing in the warmth of their bed, a stark contrast to the storm that was raging outside, coating everything in a thin layer of white flakes. They had added their own heat to the equation, more than once, before drifting into a peaceful sleep.

"What?" Castle asked, startled, not having realized Kate was awake.

"Love," Kate repeated. "The word you just spelled on my back."

Castle kissed her hair and slid his hand back to her left shoulder to write another word.

Kate smiled as she deciphered the movements of his fingers. "Sexy."

"You think I'm sexy?" Castle teased.

Kate snorted. "No," she lied.

Castle was not at all convinced. "Liar."

She whacked his chest. "Shut up."

She felt him smile into her hair as his fingers returned to the skin of her upper back.

"Will," she said after his next word.

Unlike before, he did not return to her shoulder; he simply continued on as though he was writing an entire sentence on her skin.

"You."

Kate's voice broke as she spoke the next word and realization dawned. "M...marry."

She knew the next word even before he spelled it but allowed him to finish before she spoke. "Me?"

She felt movement next to her and lifted her head. Castle was propped up on his elbow fixing her with the most hopeful expression she had even seen. It randomly crossed her mind that it was so like them not to do this the normal way, with him down on one knee and both of them wearing more than just the covers on their bed.

Kate was looking at him through tear-filled eyes, opening and closing her mouth a couple times before she gave up on her attempts to speak and simply nodded her head.

"Really?"

She nodded again, finding her voice this time, though it was so choked with emotion that her answer was quiet. "Yes, Rick."

Castle practically pounced on her, enveloping her body in his and meeting her lips in a deep kiss. Kate kissed him back just as fervently, her arms coming up to wrap around his neck. All too soon, he was pulling away, ducking his head out of Kate's grip and rolling off of her to reach for the bedside table. He pulled the drawer open and pulled out a small box, one Kate had not seen in months, but even so, it looked exactly as she remembered.

Castle returned to her side and opened the box to reveal a beautiful white gold diamond engagement ring. From what she could see through her tears, it was tasteful and not overly extravagant. He slipped the ring onto her finger and brought her hand up to his lips, planting a kiss just above the stone.

Kate released a sound that was half laugh, half sob, at the gesture before tugging him back to her. She kissed him passionately, holding nothing back and pouring all of her feelings into the kiss, her touches, and the look in her eyes as she gazed up at him.

Castle raised a hand to her cheek, cupping her jaw tenderly and leaning down to capture her lips with his own again. His other hand explored unabashedly, simultaneously spreading fire across her skin and leaving a trail of goose bumps in its wake. Kate rocked her hips against his and he groaned, pulling her more firmly against him as they lost themselves in each other once again.

* * *

><p>An hour later they were still in bed, completely sated and wrapped in each other's arms. Kate's left hand was resting on his chest, the ring sparkling. She had been staring at it for the last couple of minutes, during which time Castle had been watching her admiration.<p>

"You like it?" he asked nervously.

Kate tore her gaze away from the diamonds to meet his eyes. "I love it," she replied in earnest. "It's gorgeous."

Castle breathed a sigh of relief. "Good."

"You were worried I didn't?"

Castle covered her hand with his and allowed his fingers to play with the ring. "Honestly, I was worried about everything that possibly could have gone wrong this morning."

Kate kissed him emphatically. "You had nothing to worry about."

"I know that _now_," he said with a chuckle. "But there's always a chance. And need I remind you what happened a few months ago.

"Yeah, I remember."

As though it would have been possible for her to forget. Every time he had wanted to take her out, she had wondered if that was going to be the night he asked her. Every time he opened a bottle of wine or lit a candle, she had pondered whether this would be the way he would propose, with wine and candlelight, and probably flowers and music as well. It had even crossed her mind when they planned this trip that he might pop the question, but she had imagined a scenario on the beach, or with wine and dinner, or at the very least, with clothing.

Needless to say, she had been caught completely off-guard this morning.

Kate traced the lines of his chest. "How did you know I was ready?"

Castle smiled. "Don't think I didn't notice you staring at that wedding dress a few weeks ago."

_It was a chilly November day and Kate and Castle had braved the cold to grab a delicious lunch between cases. Kate had wrapped up the last of the paperwork that morning and so far, murderers seemed to be behaving themselves, so the team had found themselves with not a lot to do. Castle had wasted no time in suggesting a nice lunch out and she had agreed readily._

_They bundled up and set off on the short walk to Remy's, bracing themselves against the icy wind that was likely bringing in the first winter storm of the season._

_An hour later, after consuming their usual burgers and shakes, Kate had left Castle to use the bathroom while she headed out onto the sidewalk. The first flakes of snow were floating down and she looked up at the sky with childlike excitement, watching as the city was slowly becoming blanketed in white._

_As a young girl, Kate had always loved snow and everything that came with it. She and her mother had always celebrated the first snowfall by frolicking around the city until they were covered in white flakes and then coming home and making hot cocoa and sitting by the fire. Though her mother was no longer around to help her build a snowman or take her ice skating as they had done when Kate was older, winter always reminded her of those times. As a cop, Kate often found the snow inconvenient, but it was moments like this in which she allowed that softer part of her to shine through._

_She meandered up the sidewalk, stepping under the awnings when she began to feel snow melting against her skin. She still had to return to work and had a feeling Gates would not approve of her appearance if she was covered in snow. She ambled past a small boutique, her eyes drawn to the jackets on the mannequins in the window. She had always loved jackets and owned far more than she ever needed, but that did not stop her from admiring the latest styles._

_She continued aimlessly to the next store and suddenly stopped in her tracks. There in the window was the most beautiful wedding dress Kate had ever seen. It was strapless, with delicate beading adorning the bodice. The fabric gathered neatly at the left hip and the dress flowed out from there. Yes, she had been lying when she told Castle that she had never torn a picture of a wedding dress out of a magazine, but it had been a long time since she had ever been this captivated by one. Images flew, unbidden, into Kate's mind, images of her in that dress, walking down the aisle or standing at the altar. With Castle._

_Just as the thought played out, she felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around her from behind. He wisely did not say anything, but from the possessive way he pulled her back against his chest and rested his chin on her shoulder, she knew that he knew exactly what was going through her head._

"I knew it," Kate murmured, pulling both of them from the memory.

Castle chuckled. "Well, to be honest, it wasn't your best attempt at subtlety. You were standing in front of the window and your mind was a million miles away and there wasn't anything else you could have been looking at."

She laughed at the memory. "Yeah, my mind was otherwise occupied."

"Marrying me?"

Kate swatted at him lovingly. "Something like that."

Castle lifted their hands from his chest, taking his turn to admire the ring. "Now you get to marry me for real."

"I know. God, what am I getting myself into?" she teased.

Castle growled playfully and pulled her into his chest. "I don't know, but I know something I'd love to get into."

She whacked him upside the head. "Rick!"

"What?"

"Totally ruining the moment. Again."

He kissed her softly. "Sorry," he murmured against her lips. "You're right, we should be being all gushy and romantic right now."

"Yes, because proposing to me while we're naked in bed is totally romantic."

"You didn't think...?"

"I thought it was incredibly sweet," she interrupted with a sappy smile. "And it caught me totally by surprise."

"Which was my plan."

"However," she fixed him with a stern look, "you better come up with a more appropriate story to tell people."

Castle looked shocked. "Oh...I...umm..."

Kate, meanwhile, was rolling with laughter. "Your...face..." she managed between fits of laughter.

"I didn't even think about that," he admitted, looking slightly embarrassed and completely adorable.

"Clearly."

"Hey now, you made it pretty hard for me to surprise you when you knew it was coming eventually."

"Yeah but I didn't know _when_," Kate pointed out.

She had probably thought about the hidden ring every day since she stumbled upon it, and though she had done a fairly good job of doing as he asked, of not allowing it to interfere with the natural progression of their relationship, it was impossible to completely ignore it. In fact, just a few days after the initial discovery, the inevitable impact had come to life, prompting a very hesitant conversation from both of them. It was a balancing act, trying to maintain their equilibrium when they both possessed knowledge that had the power to completely throw them off balance.

"_It's not in there."_

_Kate turned at the sound of his voice. "What?"_

"_It's not in there anymore. I re-hid it."_

_Kate retrained her eyes on his dresser drawer. There was no point denying what she had been staring at. "Oh."_

"_Don't worry about it, remember?" he reminded her, stepping up behind her and wrapping his arms around her stomach._

_Kate bit her lip. "I'm...not."_

"_You are."_

_She shook her head. "No, Rick, I'm not. Really. I'm just...thinking about...about what it means."_

"_Well generally, it means that..."_

"_Don't," she said harshly, putting an end to his joking tone._

"_Right, sorry." Castle tugged on her hand, urging her away from the dresser and towards the bed._

_She allowed him to pull her into bed and to wrap his arms around her from behind, and she was sure it was intentional, to keep her facing away from the offending piece of furniture._

"_It doesn't have to mean anything, Kate. Not yet."_

_She tilted her head to meet his eyes. "But someday?"_

"_Someday, yes," he responded. "Someday, it will be a promise."_

"_Of forever," she murmured, more to herself than to him but he answered anyway._

"_It's not a promise for forever," he explained gently, his hand on her stomach pulling her tighter against him. "That's the promise you make on your wedding day. This is a promise that someday, you'll be ready for forever."_

"_I never thought of it that way."_

"_It's just another step," he continued. "You're here. That's step one. The other steps will come in time."_

What she had not expected, however, was that she would be ready for the next step quite so soon.

* * *

><p>It was two in the afternoon when they finally made their way out of bed, and only then because food was becoming a necessity. Dressed in boxers and nothing else, Castle made his way down to the kitchen to whip up some food. Kate joined him a short time later, clad in one of his shirts. Her hair was a mess, her face was flushed, and though she was doing an excellent job of hiding it, Castle could see that she was struggling to walk normally.<p>

"Did I wear you out, Detective?" he asked jokingly, kissing her sweetly and passing her a mug of coffee.

Kate snorted. "Ha! Not even close."

"Good." Castle snagged her around the waist and pulled her into him so she could feel the beginnings of his arousal.

"Oh my God, Rick, seriously?"

"It's entirely your fault," he defended. "You can't walk out here in my shirt...only my shirt...and expect me to just be unaffected."

"Yeah, well I need food first. After that, we can take a shower and I'll show you just how affected _I_ am by you wearing nothing but..." Kate reached around behind them and firmly grabbed his ass through his boxers, "these."

He groaned into her neck and she could feel just how much her words affected him. In fact, if she did not escape now, she had an inkling that they would not be eating anything all day. Both of them were insatiable today, even more so than normal.

After the most rushed meal in the history of meals...including all of her hurried lunches at the precinct...Kate found herself being backed into the kitchen counter, his fingers deftly working the buttons of the shirt while his mouth drove her crazy in the best way possible. The edge of the countertop was digging into her back, but with his hands on her chest and his lips on her neck, she could not have cared less if there would be a bruise tomorrow.

Castle was relentless in his movements and caresses, stopping only when she physically reached down and grabbed his wrist, halting him, pulling his lips back to hers. Her other hand came up to his chest as she leaned her forehead against his shoulder and released a shaky breath.

He twined his fingers through hers on his chest and Kate wordlessly tugged their hands so that they were resting against the inside curve of her breast, allowing him to feel the pounding of her heart.

He smiled wickedly. "Is that a challenge?"

Kate lifted her head. "What?"

"Is that a challenge?" he repeated. She blinked a couple times, forcing her brain to function properly as she contemplated the meaning of his words. "To see if I can get your heart rate going even faster next time," he clarified.

Kate's jaw dropped open. "Oh, no."

"Why not?"

"Because..." she stammered, unable to think of a reason that his mission could be anything but a good idea.

Castle winked at her. "Scared you won't be able to handle it?"

"Oh, I can handle _it_ just fine." She dropped his wrist and reached down to cup him, watched his eyelids droop and his mouth drop open.

He groaned and Kate smirked. "Not so smug now, are you?" she teased as her other hand made its way beneath the waistband and slid his shorts down his legs, snapping what remained of his slef-control.

He grabbed her by the waist and unceremoniously hoisted her onto the counter. Kate seemed completely unfazed by the gesture as she scooted to the edge and wrapped her legs around him, pulling his hips against hers. She rocked against him and he inhaled sharply.

"Kate."

"Rick."

Though she lived for their slow, passionate, more sensual times together, right now she was in no mood to be patient. She leaned forward to whisper in his ear and her words were more than enough to spur him on. "I need you. Now."

And this time it was hard and fast and all-encompassing and when it was over, Kate lay back on the counter and Castle collapsed on top of her, his head pillowed on her chest and his arms tangled with hers.

At long last, he stood, Kate following his lead and pulling herself back up into a seated position. Castle wrapped his arms around her, pulling her torso flush against his and reveling in the aftermath, the feeling of her sweaty skin, erratic breaths, and racing heart. He would never, _ever_, tire of watching her fall apart in his arms.

He sneaked his hand between them and slid it up to her chest, once again resting his palm over her heart. "I don't know, I might have done it," he murmured.

Kate pulled away and glared at him, a look that was far from intimidating when she was flushed and sweaty and glowing, and he simply leaned in and kissed the expression off of her face. "Admit it," he said against her lips. "I win."

She bit down on his bottom lip, tugging it into her mouth and soothing it with her tongue. His body was pliant against hers and when she was sure he was totally engrossed in the kiss, she pushed him away and slid off the counter and out of his reach. She had always held the power in their relationship and she knew it.

He opened his eyes in surprise and he looked at her, half-pouting and half-aroused. "You...you..."

She flashed him a sexy smile and sauntered off, exaggerating the sway of her hips because she knew him well enough to know that he was staring at her. Kate made it as far as the hallway before his brain caught up with him and he dashed after her. He caught her just outside their bedroom, his arms pulling her back against him.

"Tease," he muttered, nipping at the skin of her neck. "You're so going to pay for that."

They stumbled their way to the master bathroom, Castle teasing her the whole way, licking and sucking at her neck and throat and biting down on her earlobe as she turned on the shower. They climbed into the stall together, still wrapped around each other, and Kate once again found herself pressed up against the wall.

After the shower, it was the bathroom counter, followed by the bed, after which they both succumbed to a short, but much needed, nap.

When they drifted back into consciousness a short time later, both of their bodies demanding a break from a certain type of exertion, Castle untangled himself from her, leaving her wrapped snugly in their bed while he set about fixing dinner and creating a romantic setting, complete with soft music and candlelight.

Kate had fallen back asleep while he worked and was roused by the feel of his soft lips working over hers, a tender and loving kiss.

"Wake up sleepyhead, I made dinner."

"Mmmm," she hummed into the kiss. "It smells delicious."

They had stumbled down to the kitchen wrapped in each other's arms and still wearing what could only be classified as next-to-nothing. Dinner was delicious, as always when Castle cooked, and the fire and candlelit atmosphere only added to the experience.

Now, an hour later, they were basking in the aftermath together, relaxing in the living room by the heat of the fireplace.

Kate caught sight of a sparkle, drawing her eyes to her left hand, and she grinned like a fool. She held her hand out in front of her, examining the facets of the diamonds and the way they were catching the firelight. She was so caught up in memories, in reliving the moment, that she did not notice Castle standing in the doorway between the living room and kitchen, gazing lovingly at his fiancé. The light of the fire and crackling of the flames filled the room with a soft, mellow ambiance. The orange glow was reflecting off of the tears of joy in Kate's eyes and as a smile split her face, he felt his own break out as well.

At long last, Kate looked up, her eyes settling on Castle. He was leaning against the entryway, a glass of wine in each hand, and gazing at her in a look of what she could only describe as completely adoring and overflowing with love.

"Hey." She grinned sheepishly, knowing she had been caught.

"Hey." He walked over and claimed the space next to her. She snagged one of the wine glasses from his hands and leaned in to kiss him lovingly.

They separated and Castle held up his glass in a toast.

"To us."

"To us," she echoed, clinking her glass with his before taking a sip. As she lowered the glass, her ring caught the light again and she could not stop the smile. She was hopeless; it had been happening all day and she was thankful that he was the only one around to see it.

"You're really happy," Castle murmured.

Kate looked up. "Aren't you?"

He reached out to cup her jaw. "Of course I am. It's just that I'm used to being the sap in this relationship." Kate stuck her tongue out at him. "And the childish one," he added with a grin. Sure, she had her moments, but Castle could not recall the last time he witnessed such unbridled happiness.

He set his glass aside and brought his other hand up to cradle her face. Kate did the same, covering his hands with her own and leaning in to meet his lips again. They kept the kisses relatively chaste; they had spent so much of the day being anything but innocent that they both needed a bit of a break from anything more.

The whole day had been unreal. She was engaged. To Richard Castle. He was her fiancé. She was going to marry him. The whole concept had been lurking in the depths of her subconscious for months, but now that it was actually happening, it was a completely different ball game.

"Martha and Alexis are coming tomorrow?" Kate asked suddenly.

Castle nodded against her neck. "They'll be in around noon."

"Do they know?"

He kissed the skin of her throat. "That I was going to ask you? Yes. That I was going to ask today? No. But mother especially will be thrilled."

"I should call my dad."

She felt him nod in agreement. "Probably."

"And Lanie."

"That too."

Neither of them made any effort to move, however, perfectly content to stay cuddled in front of the fire, surrounded by each other, completely oblivious to the still-accumulating snowfall and the rest of the world around them. As the fire died down to the embers and their wine glasses were slowly emptied, Castle unfolded the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch and spread it over them. Kate shifted, maneuvering her body so that they would both fit, him lying on his back and her lying half way on top of him, her body wedged cozily between his side and the back of the sofa.

She slung her leg over his thigh and her arm across his chest, pressing the length of her body against his. Castle's hand found hers on his chest and he began fiddling with her ring again as though convincing himself that it was really there.

"We're getting married," he said softly, surreally, as he twirled the ring around her finger.

"I know."

"I can't believe it."

"Neither can I."

"Did you ever think this moment would actually happen?"

Kate lifted her head. "Not until recently. But I think I secretly wanted it to long before that."

"Hmmm."

"Did you?"

Castle lifted his head and captured her lips. "I wanted it to, more than anything."

"I could tell."

He kissed her again. "I've never worked so hard for anything in my life."

Kate buried her head in his chest. "I know. And I didn't deserve that much effort but I'm so glad that you stuck with me anyways."

"You deserve that and so much more, Kate," Castle said sincerely. "And I'm going to prove that to you every day for the rest of our lives."

"The rest of our lives," she echoed.

"Hmmm?"

"I like the sound of that," she murmured.

Castle hugged her tighter. "Me too."

Kate felt her eyes drooping shut and she could feel his breathing evening out beneath her.

"Night," she whispered into the shadows.

"Goodnight, love."

They drifted off together, the first day in this new stage of their lives coming to an end.

Tomorrow, they could spread the news to their families and friends.

For now, it was their little secret.

* * *

><p><strong>THE END<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Author's Note part 2:<em>

_1. Well folks, this is the last part of _Exposed_, which makes me kind of sad, but all things must come to an end. I have had so much fun writing this one...it's different from what I normally do and it definitely took me waaay outside my comfort zone. But hey, I learned a lot from it and from all of the feedback I received, so thank you!_

_2. You guys were so convincing and so incredibly sweet to me that I decided to give the whole M-rated thing another shot. This one was very different from the first scene and I found it even more difficult to write, so I hope it turned out okay and didn't muddle up the rest of the chapter._

_3. For anyone wondering what the ring looks like, I posted it on my Tumblr. The direct link is on my profile._

_4. Thank you so much for reading and for your support and reviews and such. It means so much to me that my writing can bring a smile to your faces. You guys are amazing! This fandom rocks!_

_Until next time,_

_Diana_


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